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Single Lady In Nairobi: Date A 30 -35 Year Old Man At Your Own Risk!

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Bad date. Image from http://hellobeautiful.com/2013/07/12/dating-red-flags/

Either I am growing old or I cannot simply date young men anymore. Let me say that I am old. I have outgrown men who I can date. Before, a woman at the age of 27 would comfortably date a man who is 32 and they would among other things, date for marriage, talk kids and even investments.

The age of social media has the 32 year olds competing with millennials in the kind of kicks they have on their shoe racks. The kind of gadgets they have upgraded to. They want in on the discussions on who finished a bottle of whisky and took 3 chics home. They are the loudest when it comes to how they stayed at the club till 6am so they can ‘hepa’ alcoblow.

These men take selfies on the bathroom mirrors and elevators. Hello! Hauna kazi? They check out how many Instagram likes they get as though they work for Instagram. Make a mistake of eating food before they take their Instagram photo, hashtag foodies. They will literally jump on your spoon.

I sat down with a few friends the other day and tried to find out if they experience the same. Ha! It happens everywhere. Single women between 28 – 35 do not want to get close to these fellas. They are now hunting down men over 40, either separated, divorced or single fathers. Women who hated baggage are now welcoming the baggage of a divorcee and the other woman being paid for child support. To them, it is much better compared to these young men who have simply refused to grow up.

Bad date. Image from http://hellobeautiful.com/2013/07/12/dating-red-flags/
Bad date. Image from http://hellobeautiful.com/2013/07/12/dating-red-flags/

I decided to write down a few challenges they have experienced with these grown up babies:

Dates

What dates? Forget dates. They do not make an effort to take you out on a date. To them, a date is drinks and fried nyama with 10 of his friends and their girlfriends. Forget that you know some of his friend’s wives’ who are back at home with their firstborns. They will then proceed to make sex jokes and expect you to sit there and enjoy the night.

dating 2

Communication

Remember how we used to enjoy phone calls when you wake up and when you go to bed from the man you love? Ah, these lads will Whatsapp the shit out of every conversation. We all love Whatsapp; it has made life easier for everyone. Lakini hawa, the only people they call is ‘dial a delivery ‘ and ‘dial a drink ‘in their hood. ….and maybe the movie guy.

Sex

Forget love making. These lads have no clue. They think sex is like every whatsapp video they get. So when you jump into bed with them, do not expect much. They go to the pub and discuss how women ‘just lay there like a dead cockroach’ and they laugh about it. What does a girl do when you cannot tell the difference between the clitoris and the labia minora? They are busy fumbling down there, do not want to be directed and they still ask ‘how does it feel’. Dude, it feels like I just wasted a whole naked 7 minutes with you!

Responsibility

They have a responsibility to their social media image. Forget about you. If you want a man to help you fix things around the house, get you the best cut from the butcher, take your car for service, sister, forget. I suggest you start learning how to do those things. Get yourself a good mech who will take time to teach you about cars. Don’t be a damsel in distress when you are dating these lads. You will be a stressed, bitter damsel. Learn how to fix things around the house; learn to stand on your own because these man will be nowhere to lean on.

That said, if you are dating these lads, drop us a line and share your challenges. If you know men over 40 looking for constructive companionship, drop us a line too. We need to get our sisters out of this bondage.

Still Single Lady!

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21 COMMENTS

  1. i enjoy your blog and you are right a 30 year old and if
    should probably go for a grown mature 40
    year old ,but still gotta be careful coz sometimes one might get a 25
    year old in a 40 year old,you should also discuss how younger men seem
    to hit on older women ,i have met guys between 25-28 but they aren’t
    matured enough once they realize one is bit older than them hehehe .most guys in this age-group ,either are
    playing the field too much,think all women are desperate for their ring
    so they end up being arrogant ,which should end up with one
    walking away even before a 3rd date commences,yep it’s that bad,they
    are drunkards,they aren’t so many 30-39 year old who are mature and
    building something of themselves and single,but still keep one’s mind
    open,life is stranger than fiction
    gosh this is long,but keep it up
    but for comments some of us are too lazy to sign with disqus,kindly include the option of guest comment,it will be easier for traffic

  2. Chivalry is not dead… That however does not take anything away from this well penned article. As a gentleman and a believer in love, romance and all things courtship, I would like to distance myself from the Jameson chugging, selfie taking, loud car system thugs that are masquerading as made men on our Nairobi streets.

  3. There are two or three valid points but the rest are moot.
    Responsibility
    If a man fixes your car it is a favor not an obligation. So what if a man asks you to go to his house and cook? You will probably say it is slavery/oppression/sexist. See how that works. You feel entitled to these favors when they are about you.

    Communication
    “Remember how we used to enjoy phone calls when you wake up and when you go to bed from the man you love?”
    Call a woman that many times and she will say you are clingy. She doesn’t want a man that predictable. Call her three times and you don’t care about her. It is you ladies who need to decide how many times you need to be called. Also, take the initiative once in a while.

    Sex
    This one I sort of agree after overhearing conversations from men of that age.

  4. I feel your pain. And it is echoed by quite a few girls I am friends with currently.

    Situation is diren learn to spot man boys early and STEER CLEAR. Don’t try to mature him, you are not an oak barrel or seratonin!

  5. yea I know some widowers divorces and men looking for a side hustle who are over 40. hit myinbox

  6. Its so painful that so many will read this but a lady’s sweetness can’t let the shit be exercised

  7. Unfortunately I’m not here to share any challenges. I might be that one in a gazillion lady who found a man in that age group who isn’t a man child and I thank God for him on a daily, because it seems that my fellow women have it rough.

  8. …while I find that you make a few valid claims, we women should also take credit for our own shortfalls. We will either raise the bar too high or set it way too low. A few bad experiences and we bash and group all men into the “never going to date again” category. I will not be surprised when the 40-year old divorced and single fathers who are now being considered ‘ideal’ turn out to be just as bad. Soon enough all men will become undesirable and guess who we will blame for that??…the men.
    maybe get off the ‘lets blame men for our relationship woes” bandwagon

  9. Well, i do agree with some of your points but we surely won’t bash a whole age group just because of a few who’ve lost direction, i’m in that below thirty age group and its sad most guys i should date are a pathetic lot. i must admit too that we fail them, we expect them to service our cars but will bitch a whole year if they expect you to clean their house and cook for them. i mean our moms worked and did all these stuff… its us. its not them.

  10. Not to mention that the 3 he’ll take home after a night out are some women probably in the same age group we are talking of. and did i mention women of this age who drink like their fathers?

  11. Warning: A rambly response up ahead.

    What bugs me when it comes to most of our social commentaries is that it almost always boils down to: Us vs. them and who can nail the barbs.

    Problem is, when the dust settles, we’re still stuck in the same place.

    I think we -both men & women- are all treating each other shabbily. It would be easy to chalk it up to our traditional culture (where men were never brought up to truly see women & women were conditioned to know their place) or the modern world’s penchant for objectifying women (and making it look glam at a glance) and leave it there.

    Except, one can create their own culture, I believe. I also believe that guys can truly change how they perceive women and equality if they chose to and it wouldn’t make them lesser. That I’m not stuck with the same choices my grandmother had.

    Women haven’t set the bar too high. The bar is where it was supposed to be. I shouldn’t be surprised when a man is honest, fair; treats everyone with compassion and respect. I should expect it. Insist on it. And they should expect the same of me. I should expect this of me. Not just in romantic relationships but in all interactions. I believe my brother should be able to pick after himself and help with the chores at our parents’ house & he does because that is the decent thing to do. I should be able to point out the instances when one of my boys is not being classy to his girlfriend and say ‘not cool’. He should be able to tell me ‘Girl, you can do better, either way I have your back’. Love and human decency trumps gender-and everything else really- always. And yes, there will always be guys who feel I ask for too much and choose to walk away, that is fine too. Because they’ve given a chance to that guy who feels my ask is just right.

  12. I can summarize this into this—-> Stop dating boys and start dating MEN. Ni hayo tu. #SwalaNyeti

  13. I can relate with the issues you have raised from my personal experience. A huge chunk of men in that age group are not in the same maturity level as women that age. There are however a few men in their early 30s who act differently and could make very good husbands.

    I wonder if the perception that women mature faster than men applys here hence the need to date older guys to ensure compatibility.

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