Single Lady in Nairobi: The myth of the 25-30 year old independent Nairobi woman

A few weeks ago I wrote down an article on the dangers of dating a 30-35 year old man in Nairobi. I have since had interesting conversations especially from men who have been asking ‘do you know the risks of dating a woman in the same age brackets?’

Truth be told, we only write about the men we should not date and why. We have never bothered to hear it from the man’s perspective.

Last week I talked to a 40 something expatriate that has had a bit of experience with dating women from Nairobi from different backgrounds, different age brackets, single mothers and women without kids. He’s had many great experiences with wonderful, honest women, but he can swear by the floods that the most dangerous age to date is a woman in Nairobi between the ages of 25-30 years. At least some of them.

Here is the scenario:

This age group is upwardly mobile. They are on their first or second jobs.  They have their first cars, mostly on loan. Some are fast rising in their careers. They have goals and dreams. It is easy to have a conversation with them as they are woke .They know what they want and go for it. They are not afraid to speak their minds and best of all, they take risks.

What excites men about this age group is that they are fun to be with, they are adventurous. They are also spontaneous and will take a random road trip in a minute. They are also very experienced in bed. They are confident of their bodies and are not afraid to say what they want and how they want it. They are not shy to introduce toys in bed, both for the man and themselves. They have the latest toys in the market. 50 shades of Grey got nothing on them.  Men go crazy for these kinds of things.

When it comes to relationships, the dangerous part about these ladies is that they are not interested in a commitment but want to be outwardly seen as responsible. If they date a man, some hide the relationship from the public for social concerns, feeling that it’s easier that way because, in their mind, if no one knows, then there are no consequences. The problem is that even though they may have seen enough of life to play men a bit, they haven’t seen enough of life to have the wisdom to know the risks.

The thing with these girls is that they live to be seen as picture perfect. Image is everything to them.  They want to check into 5 star hotels and have parties in uptown clubs. They overcommit their salaries to look good. They use hashtag ‘independent woman’ every chance they get.

To sustain their lifestyle, they will have 4 or 5 men they are chatting with on whatsapp. They will start with asking each for a favour. Before long, all the 5 men in her whatsapp will be financing her life. They don’t ask for small change, ah ah! They will ask for Ksh 30,000 to repair their cars. People think it is only jobless women who do such things, but middle class girls with real jobs are worse.

no romance without finance

no romance without finance

Take this expat. His 26 year old girlfriend’s birthday was coming up. She asked for funds to treat all her friends at a Brazilian Steak House. They had birthday sex all afternoon, and when he gave her the cash, she called all her friends for the get-together, and off she went to enjoy a little party with her girls. He later found out that she asked them all to chip in to pay for the birthday, without telling them it was already paid for. It gets worse. At that birthday party, she introduced a younger Kenyan man as her boyfriend, and they both took the party money from her friends and the older boyfriend. What kind of man accepts money from a woman funded by another man, and also her friends? That’s a blog for another day.

That said, this is an experience of one person who has dated widely. Other women in this age group are more stable, but the allure of the impossible is hard to resist for many.

Next week, we look at the other age groups from different men’s perspective.

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