Five things I will do after elections!

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elections

Cue in music – here comes the Kenyan elections. The elections have been hyped up so much. Somebody in another part of the world might think that the world will end in Kenya on March 4th. It is the D day. So what happens after the excitement of going to vote and while one is waiting for the results to come in?

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What are the things you would do?

Here are five things I would do after the election.

1. Go out and buy a helmet. With Waititu as governor professional stone throwing might come into fashion overnight. By the way where can I buy anti riot gear and a mask to protect myself from teargas? I can see the headlines “Nairobi governor and police in running battles!”

2. Then maybe afterwards I can go polish my CV and apply for the job of Waititu’s speechwriter. If Waititu becomes governor he will need to give speeches. I can translate his kikuyu think into English so as to impress those naysayers who thought Waititu cannot be a professional can be shocked at how Waititu can be eloquent if he tried. Did I say first thing to do if he hires me is to get Paul Achar to work on his speaking style?

3. Go buy a sheng dictionary. It seems if the dynamic duo of Waititu and Sonko get elected Sheng will become the official Nairobi language. I need to be able to understand what Sonko will be saying. They should also publish an official style guide so that we can understand what Sonko is wearing, like this outfit means this.

4. Go searching for the book how to survive a leader who acts like a blond for dummies. I am sure there is one. Between Waititu and Sonko there will be so many blond moments I need to learn how to survive the embarrassment of one. I am sure there must be an American writer who has written such a book after all they had a president who was a blond through and through – President Bush. And he was in power for 8 years. Forget the experience of being embarrassed locally for 5 years they were embarrassed internationally for 8 years.

5. Cant decide if I should go to church and pray that God will do a miracle and Jimnah becomes governor and Peter Kenneth president or if I should go to the bar I think this situation is one of those which would make me start drinking again, stress galore or should I go home, watch TV and be an armchair political analyst on social media as I watch people vote or Just follow Yenyewe and his funny commentaries on twitter. But I think I will also look for that truthmeter video the one of ilikuwa kama video, kama ndrama because that’s what that day will be. Full of drama.

So what five things will you do after the election?

Please remember Uchaguzi si Vita! Keep the peace and encourage others to do so as well. My Kenya, My Country, My Home.

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