Your wedding is not our wedding – why your Cinderella wedding is driving your friends mad

Wedding couple smiling on their big day. Photo from

I think all or most girls grow up dreaming of the perfect wedding to Mr. (Prince) Right. This has alot to do with the fact that we read and watched fairy tale weddings like Cinderella etc and fell in love with the idea of pomp and glamour. Many girls start planning how their wedding will look like, what kind of dress they will wear etc years in advance. I think even before they start liking boys in a romantic way. Now shows like the Wedding Show on Citizen have taken weddings to a whole new level. It doesn’t matter if you are not the bride you have to dress up, least you get caught on camera looking not too fashionable.

Wedding couple smiling on their big day. Photo from
Wedding couple smiling on their big day. Photo from

Wedding shows have also sort of turned weddings into a competition with women trying to outdo what they saw on tv. Wanting their weddings to be the most talked about wedding on social media etc. Which is not a big deal if the people getting married have their act together and have saved money for the wedding. Unfortunately most of the time you will find the wedding couple have an expensive wedding to plan but they have not done their part to raise the finances. So you find that you, the beloved friend, schoolmate from primary school, very distant relative are invited to committee meetings or pre-wedding parties which are geared towards getting money for the big day.

This method of fundraising for weddings can be stressful on family and friends. They may feel obligated to contribute but many of them may resent you for putting them in the position of contributing for your wedding when inside they are thinking that you have a good job and should be able to plan for your wedding properly. Or if you don’t that you should be sensible and plan for a wedding you can afford.

My friend Wanjiru Kihusu has written a post on wedding committees: a quick way to lose friends. Here are some of the things you should keep in mind.

The wedding is yours, do your part. The work of the committee is to help you out not do everything. It is your work to get service providers, arrange transport for your families and anything else that comes with planning a wedding. Please note that this will also minimize the power the committee will have. I remember being exasperated when we recommended a photographer to a “friend” and then two nights before the wedding, the committee decided they wanted a different photographer!

We will not fund your luxurious wedding. Most of the time, committees come to help you raise money to cater for the budget. Don’t take advantage of people to get yourself some expensive wedding. If you want a luxurious day, save the money. Don’t plan for a sh 500,000 and your contribution as a couple is sh 100,000. Be a good steward of resources, both yours and those belonging to others. Don’t force people to pledge. Calling and texting someone every week does not qualify as a gentle reminder.

Balance out. Help can come in two ways; people will either give you money or their time. The younger generation might not have a lot of money but they will be available to run errands for you the big day. Allocate them duties like ushering, transport management and other things you want done. The older guys will most likely give you money but not time. Appreciate both dimensions.

Duration: Have you been invited to be part of a wedding committee and during the first meeting you heard that there would be meetings every 2 weeks and the wedding is 6 months away? How did you feel when the meeting ended 2 hours later? If you have experienced this then you know what I mean. Dear bride and groom please, value people’s time.

Read the rest of the post here.

To find out how you can raise money for your wedding check out 5 Ways of Raising Funds for a Wedding.

Wanjiku Kihusu is a blogger who writes on family issues. She writes on interesting issues on family and dating like this one Should I give him money?   Follow her on @twitter and check out her blog

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Potentash Founder. A creative writer and editor at Potentash. Passionate about telling African stories. Find me at [email protected]