Raising Boys Into Men

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Father having a discussion with his son. Image from http://kualifamily.com/bullying/como-reconocer-la-asertividad/attachment/african-american-father-talking-to-son/

Women worldwide like to think that all men are the same which is not the case. There are various reasons why a woman would think that. Where is the problem? Where has society lost its touch in bringing up men from boys?

Father having a discussion with his son. Image from http://kualifamily.com/bullying/como-reconocer-la-asertividad/attachment/african-american-father-talking-to-son/
Father having a discussion with his son. Image from http://kualifamily.com/bullying/como-reconocer-la-asertividad/attachment/african-american-father-talking-to-son/

There was a discussion of TV recently about how to raise sons and from the discussions I got a bigger picture of why some men behave the way they do. Before the 1970’s, society at large took part in mentoring boys. The whole village would make sure that their young boys grow up to be real men. At this point I will admit the girl child was not that well looked into but the boy child was given more attention. Now it is vice versa. Every organization is looking at ways to incorporate the female child in the two-thirds rule.

Then there came a time when the fathers had to leave the homesteads to go work in the towns and cities. They would come back at end month, visit everyone and lastly have time for their children which was on the way to the bus stop. These children are the fathers of now. They have been brought in a homestead where the father only comes home once per month and stays for so little time it does not make and impact on their lives. They do not know how to bring up boys neither do they know how to treat their wives.

The boys have been left to learn from others and are supposed to pick things up very quickly. We all know that if you go by this parenting standard, the things they end up picking are not the best of things. They will follow the boy in school who seems to have everything going on. Here is where you are told that your son was found stealing and you defend him saying you raised him better. News flash, you didn’t so he fends for himself.

Parents nowadays are so keen on investing for their children rather than in their children. The father who is supposed to teach the boy child to become a wholesome man is always at work. They want to make sure they have their son’s future in place. What they do not realize is that the son will have gone to the best schools but his character will be wanting. Fathers should have a balance when it comes to raise their sons. According to some traditions it is the women’s place to raise the kids but the son cannot learn everything they need from a woman so as a father you have to be present.

In most homes the sons have their academic performance scrutinized so keenly it makes them scared of their report forms. If they top the class they are very much appreciated and have lively conversations about the future. This is because they will be the heirs and the father does not want to leave everything he owns to a ‘stupid ‘person. The girl child has a leeway and will have people telling her that she can do better and should not be worried but work harder next time.

This then has created a perception to the boys when they become men that a man should not fail and if he fails, he is a failure and there is no turning back. This has made them meek; they do not want to try just in case it fails. They also celebrate too much when it works which is normal but they will hold onto that feeling for so long that when they fail after that they feel that they are not good enough. That is why they compare their friends’ cars, houses, and jobs to their own to see where they fall.

The solution for this is to impart life skills to your son. This way he will value education and also value other people around him, teach him how to cope in the world. Focus on his character and make him so rich in character that success will follow him around.

Teach them how to handle emotions. This will go a long way in saving their relationships. We do not want a soap opera in a relationship where the man and the wife are crying while hugging each other. I mean where they understand the emotions of each other and know what to do. Many are times when we have seen women cry and the man running out of the house like it is on fire. He has no clue what to do. This is because men were told not to show emotion, not to cry so they do not understand why she is crying or why she is angry.

Fathers it is your responsibility to make your little boy a man not a boy in his fifties. Find ways to fit in time to talk and interact with them.

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