Single lady in Nairobi: Have You Met The Muthaiga Map Guy?

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Singlehood Series
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Couple in bed. Image from http://weheartit.com/entry/group/9318054

This is a true story from a friend. So if you have met the Map guy from Muthaiga, stand up and be counted. Every time I remember this story, I laugh my heart out…. And when I finish laughing, I tell women to always have a backup plan. A cab guy on speed dial, cab fare, friends with cars.

So a friend goes to the club on a weekday. Meets a good looking guy, looks cultured and very well behaved. He approaches her, he is charming and he buys her drinks. It’s a Thursday, he is hunting. She is looking for a weekend plan obviously. This Muthaiga man is charming. He convinces her to spend at his place. She plays hard to get with questions like “I have to be at work tomorrow. Will you drop me?” “What will I wear?” Muthaiga man assures her that he will drop her to work and she will get a T-shirt to wear for dress down Friday.

I don’t know what happens to Nairobi women when they hear ‘I will drop you!’ Is that transportation orgasm or what? How can it turn a woman so on that she leaves her logic at the club when she hears that she will be dropped? Why don’t women have reliable cab guys for that? Trusting a stranger to ‘drop’ you, kamaaan!

So my friend leaves the club with the Muthaiga guy. They get to his place. Great place. She starts seeing herself in that house. Amewekaa vitambaa. She is entertaining guests in this house. She hosts high tea for the other Muthaiga housewives. Then she has to perform ‘chips funga’ duties, so she stops dreaming and gets to work. She sleeps a happy woman because she feels she has bagged the man. The Powerball lottery.

Couple in bed. Image from http://weheartit.com/entry/group/9318054
Couple in bed. Image from http://weheartit.com/entry/group/9318054

Morning comes. She has to go to work. She wakes him up to ‘drop’ her to work. The chap is asleep. No sign of leaving the bed. She showers and dresses up for work. She is now at a point where she is begging him to wake up and drop her. The chap, half-asleep reaches to his side drawer and reaches for a paper. It’s a photocopied map that he hands to my friend. There are few matatus in Muthaiga, and this guy made a map that showed the nearest matatu stops from his house. The map was so good; it started with ‘You are here’

That map shattered my friend’s dream of moving to Muthaiga. Of being dropped to work. Of moving social classes. It destroyed her. It made her feel worthless. She keeps it in her house to remind her of what not to trust. She now has a reliable cab guy on speed dial. She gets herself home after a night out. She has set goals and dreams around that map. She has made resolutions around the map. The map has changed her life…. For the better.

So, have you met the Muthaiga map guy?

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26 COMMENTS

  12. Sasa hapa ndio Kenyan men wamefika…you treat a woman like dirt and play with her body and give her a photocopy of a map out of your place???seriously??Whatever happened to courtesy??Its truly disheartening where our society has reached…

    • That woman should get married and forget being a chips funga. this mentality of i can stay alone will make them see wonders!!!

  14. That woman should get married and forget being a chips funga. this mentality of i can stay alone will make them see wonders!!! Another member of Team Mafisi is here, cant wait to see his certificate!!!

  17. Gai! Aki woiyeeeeee. Chilvery died with adam, like bible Adam!, Someone should be plotting revenge I think your friend should reach out to other map girls and plot a perfect comeback! That’ll make a fun read!
    In other news I really loved this article it was worth stealing a few minutes from work to read.

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