Single lady in Nairobi: when bae goes MIA


Ladies, do you know what ghosting means? Well, it happened to me and it sucks.

Ghosting is when a man or a woman you have been dating decides to go silent on you, and fall off the face of the earth. He/she cuts off all communication and you are left wondering if you are even dating in the first place.

What happens when he ghosts you?

You meet this man in a social place. He likes you, you like back. He asks you out for a date, you decide to play hard to get in your mind. The you remember the last guy who asked you out just called and said ‘Uko? Tuko Nerkwo, kuja. ’ That is not being asked out. That is being man handled out. So you quickly say yes to this gentleman and the dates begin.

It’s not a Nerkwo date. Nope. It’s a great restaurant where the waiters call him by name; the manager comes to check if you are okay. They play some great jazz and the chap blows your mind away. He is funny, he is cool, he is a gentleman and at that time, you are ready to say goodbye to being single.

A few weeks pass by. You join his Karura run in the morning (damn I hate running). At this time, you have already told your friends and frenemies about the Prince Charming. Your Wednesday out with the girls can take a back seat. You have a new man. A man that even your grandmother will approve just by the way he walks.

Month two, things are going great. You start getting comfortable. You start posting positive tweets now. Your Facebook posts are about love, and finding the one. You have now become a motivational speaker and your target audience is the ‘baeless battalion’ . You have a testimony. …scratch that. You are a walking testimony. That we can all find love and be happy. That there are good men out there. That ladies should not give up.

Then he decides to ghost you.

He goes silent. You wish he is busy. How can he go mteja on all this * points body * . Two days go by, and you assume he is too busy working hard for both of you to text back. A week goes by, and you assume his phone fell in a bottomless pit, but he will get back. The weekend after, you worry he is dead and since you don’t know any of his relatives, you panic. Two weeks go by, you are now sure he is dead.

Then a friend tells you about ghosting. You cannot not believe it. You need to find out why. So you make more effort to look for him. Stalking on social media. Then you discover 5 more people share the name. Damn kikuyus and name sharing. You stumble onto a familiar face. Mother F is not dead. He is alive and posting. You get angry. You had already told your mother that you have a surprise for Easter. You had gained followers courtesy of the motivational speeches you gave to the baeless battalion. How do you come back from this?

You need closure. You need to know it’s them, not you. You need to know why he did it.

Then you realize once he ghosts you, he does not want to break up with you. It’s another way of breaking with you …only that this has more damage than the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ conversation.

***Single lady in Nairobi is a collection of real life stories and opinions from different women. It looks at the current world of dating in Kenya and experiences that ladies have gone through. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the contributors and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of

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  1. “You have now become a motivational speaker and your target audience is the ‘baeless battalion'”

    I am CRYING!! LMAO

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