I got an attitude about dating broke men a long time ago. I was never like this, a man-made me like this. So these days, I prefer to spend my weekends alone than give a broke guy, with a low self-esteem a chance to crap on my day.
Some time back I was in love. That love that my mother warned me about. I was excited. He was a bit older than me. He worked for a family business that did not earn him much. I on the other hand had just landed a job at a place where I had interned for a couple of months without pay. Yes, I should report them to the Labour office because more than 6 months without pay in Nairobi is torture.
That already should tell you the kind of person that I am. I am a go-getter. I work hard, I don’t give up easily and best of all, and I love challenges. These are the kind of attributes this guy loved in me. And all we could think of is how we will raise a family and how I will support him until he gets on his feet (la stupida).
Back then I was in love with Valentines. It was a big part of my life. I expected roses, chocolates, lovely messages through-out the day and finally a romantic dinner to top it all. So this one Valentine, the chap starts being moody from 9th February. You know those dick moves of ‘What’s wrong?’
Him: Nothing I cannot handle. So I relax.
By 11th February, the guy is quiet. I feel he is busy planning a big Valentine plan for both of us. On 12th Feb, he calls and tells me he cannot afford to take me out on Valentines because he has no money.
Money had never been an issue, so I quickly tell him that since Valentines was important to me, I would do all the planning and even foot the date. My bill. That was the first mistake I did. I should have let that day slide.
With a new well-paying job and little responsibilities, I decided to go all out and treat my man. I hired a chauffeur service to pick us from work, drop us at the movies, to the restaurant and finally to our respective homes. I reserved a great restaurant, booked a great table and ordered a bottle of the best wine. I went all out and I really enjoyed my Valentines (yes, I paid for it, I can call it mine)
The next day, this chap calls me. I was in the middle of the ‘after Valentines’ office banter where female colleagues measure dicks. Yes, they do…. By how the man treated them on Valentines. Of course, my story was great because I skipped the part where I paid for it. So I pick up and the guy has a serious tone and he asks ‘can you talk?’ Damn these talks! I move away from my colleagues. He tells me he cannot continue dating me, because I am too expensive, and he cannot afford to give me the life that I plan to live. And just like that, he apologized and hung up.
Um, I was in shock for a cool 7 minutes. What just happened? Did I just get dumped? Did he just say he cannot afford me? I had spent half my salary on a date. What was all this?
I cried. I really did. Then I stopped. I discovered I was dating a guy who had no ambition. Who was not seeing anything great coming out of himself. He was feeling sorry for himself. He was intimidated by this small girl who could afford dinner. How could he simply afford to fend for her and she is doing a great job already?
As I grew older, I realized men who have achieved less have very low self-esteem and whatever you do for them, they will always resent you for that. Miss me with that crowd. I can smell them from afar. I can even give them a fake name and a hospital number when they approach me.
That is why, I stay away from broke men, with no ambition and a low self -esteem. No dinner from me.
Check out this other stories on valentines.
***Single lady in Nairobi is a collection of real life stories and opinions from different women. It looks at the current world of dating in Kenya and experiences that ladies have gone through. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the contributors and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of Potentash.com.