The art of flirting

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A couple flirting. Image from http://tipsofdivorce.com/is-he-flirting-with-you/

Flirting is an incredibly fast and powerful way to attract a person. It focuses its power in the art of attraction and sometimes even seduction. Flirting is a basic instinct, part of human nature. According to some psychologists, flirting may even be the foundation of civilization as we know it!

A couple flirting. Image from http://tipsofdivorce.com/is-he-flirting-with-you/
A couple flirting. Image from http://tipsofdivorce.com/is-he-flirting-with-you/

Flirting is considered by most to be a trivial, if enjoyable, activity that some people sometimes participate in – if you were “born” with the ability to do so, and if you weren’t, that’s ok; we can’t all be flirting experts, right? But, there is always the room to learn. There is always room to improve on your flirting skills. Here are some tips to help you step up your ‘A’ game that works for both the ladies and the gents:

Girls Explain How They Flirt


1. Confidence

Like any other human activity, flirting has its own set of unwritten rules that govern where and how to flirt. One basic rule that one should follow is confidence. There is no greater weapon than believing in yourself especially in the flirting area.

2. The artful glance

Your eyes are probably your most important flirting tool. How you look at another person, meet his or her gaze and look away can make all the difference between a successful, enjoyable flirtation and a really embarrassing or hurtful encounter.

To begin, scan the room with an all-encompassing glance to seek out suitable prospects. Don’t stare – you just need to catch his eye long enough to make sure the person acknowledges your glance. Do this a second time. The double-take confirms that you are clearly interested in making a verbal connection with them. Prolonged eye contact between two people indicates intense emotion, and is either an act of love or an act of hostility so these glances should be not be long; prolonging the look takes these lightly seductive flirts into an overtly sexual realm might just that send the wrong message.

If, on the other hand, your suitor avoids making eye contact with you, or looks away after a fraction of a second and does not look back again, you would probably assume that your interest is not returned; but there is still the possibility that they are just very shy. The only way to find out is by close observation of their behavior towards others.

3. Smile

While smiling seems like ordinary advice, a smile is synonymous with fun and approachability. According to psychological studies, smiling opens up social connections, makes you more approachable and also increases first impressions. Smile slowly as you glance at them. Slow smiles are generally considered sexy. Also smile as you make eye contact, this increases your appeal with the other person.

4. Body talk

Most of us are quite good at controlling our faces – maintaining a smile, twirling our hair or throwing countless glances, but we can tend to be less conscious of what the rest of our body is doing. For example, leaning backwards and supporting the head on one hand show signs of boredom. Be comfortable, let loose and enjoy the moment and sooner rather than later, you’ll find that you’ll have created an open invitation for your suitor to approach you.

5. The power of touch.

This is perhaps the most powerful way to flirt with a person. The key to flirting through touch is start with quick, playful taps. From there, gradually increase the duration of your touch while making it more intimate.

For example, if you are flirting with a girl you just met, a good way to start flirting through touch is to use the back of your hand and simply tap her around the upper elbow. From there, take small steps forward with your touch. Use the inside of your hand and touch her upper arm, shoulder, back, and maybe work in some one-armed side-hugs. As you go along, you can gradually increase the duration of each touch.

But take note that women are much less comfortable about being touched by an opposite-sex stranger than men, so men should take care to avoid any touches which may seem threatening or over-familiar. Men are also inclined to interpret women’s friendly gestures as sexual invitations, so women should be equally careful to avoid giving misleading signals with over-familiar touches. This doesn’t mean ‘do not touch’ but just be careful about the signals you want to send.

6. What to say

So you’ve made it quite clear that you’re interested in this person, you’ve thrown about hints at them and now you need to start a conversation. What do you say? When the subject of flirting comes up, most people seem to be obsessed with the issue of ‘pickup lines’. Most men can testify as to how they don’t work because some of them are a bit cheesy and they bring off a perception of the guy being corny, but some have worked as well. So which way do you go?

7. Be natural.

Nothing is as perfect (well, close to perfect) and original as being yourself, and sometimes the opening line isn’t even as important; the real deal comes in maintaining a conversation interesting enough that will leave the person begging to know you more rather than publicly shaming you by throwing a drink in your face or walking away. Be yourself. It mostly always works.

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