Relationships: when your family does not like your partner

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Man consoling his partner who is upset. Image from https://classic105.com/signs-you-have-chosen-the-wrong-partner/

I’ve heard all sorts of lyrics in my life and the one that struck me the most was from Justin Bieber’s song love yourself when he says “my mama don’t like you and she likes everyone”. That part of the song sounds harsh and the whole song is a remembrance of whoever else did not like the girlfriend. But as crude as it may sound the reality is that sometimes your family may not like your partner of choice and this becomes an unexpected struggle that you have to deal with especially if you want to stay with them forever or as long term. The following guidelines will be useful.

Man consoling his partner who is upset. Image from https://classic105.com/signs-you-have-chosen-the-wrong-partner/
Man consoling his partner who is upset. Image from https://classic105.com/signs-you-have-chosen-the-wrong-partner/

1. Understand their perspective: Before you jump into any conclusion and start sneaking around hiding your boyfriend or girlfriend, you need to understand. Whether it is your parents, siblings or extended family their view is important. Take time to listen to their point of view and be calm as they talk to you. Most of the times their worries stem from somewhere either it’s because they’ve seen the way you’ve changed or the way you’re being treated. If your relationship is still young then you need to sit back and study your other half. Any warning signs that you may have been told by your family, you should have a list that you tick and see if it’s true or not. Analyze the information, and then share with your family your decision, particularly if you decide to stay with your other half.

2. Tell your partner: It is pointless to keep the one person you love in the dark, it’s actually unfair. Tell them your family’s worries and their reaction should tell you a lot. If he/she is not bothered to make your family comfortable then they should not be in your life. Naturally a person who wants to be part of your life as a long term partner should constantly work to be accepted in your life and especially accepted by your family. Your friends are important as well in this equation but family is more important as they can make your life hard and you will need them.

3. Win your parents over: If the people who raised you do not like your boyfriend/girlfriend this can be a disaster. You sometimes would rather your extended family not like your other half but your parents or guardians should be won over. At this point you need to do whatever it takes to make them comfortable. Have your partner talk to your parents and before then you should have found out what would make them happy.

4. Keep distance: I’ve seen couples that have decided to stay together despite their family’s opinions and this option may work though it’s rough. Such couples do not hang out with their families together unnecessarily. This means you only make it to functions that are very important together to avoid hostility.

5. Let them be: You’re both grown-ups and at the end of the day you’re responsible for your own happiness. People need to understand that nothing will change and if they have any issues they need to respect your decision. But never isolate yourself from your own family because at the end of the day they were there first and when there’s a need they will most likely be there.

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