Single Lady in Nairobi: Of marriage and ‘chapad chics’

I scroll down the timeline early in the morning before I start my day.  So Nyota Ndogo got married, good for her. They say her make-up was horrible, that’s their opinion. Folks already have memes, no worries; they do it for the likes and RTs.

Nyota Ndogo gets married. Image from http://www.waza.co.ke/photos-see-how-scary-nyota-ndogo-looked-during-her-wedding-her-make-up-must-have-been-done-by-her-enemy/

Then, a ninja tries to make one right with one wrong.

Back up!

I go back to this timeline to find out what the threat was all about before I jump in with my 2 cents. (Actually folks, before you jump into a convo online, take time to see the thread)

Well, nothing new. To some, her make up was horrible. To others, it was fine by her standards. So we will not dwell on it….as this guy tried to bring out, women were the first to bash the happy bride…but he tries to point it out by first, insulting the women getting married, to insulting the unmarried women.… remind me to pen an article on how a million women will hate on her make up, then when a man does it, we all get mad. Get a grip ladies!

Back to chapad mamas.

According to dudes, ‘chapad’ women wamekula mileage. According to another, they even have kids. Another says that they are above the marriageable age. Oh, another just told me that she has been around town.

Before I can collect my thoughts, I see a response to some ladies

You unmarried pretty woman, lower your standards…. Mnaringa kwanini?

Why are we as a society making marriage like some sort of life achievement? You drill it so far into women’s minds that women will only introduce themselves as Mrs. Karanja to you, even though you have known her as Njeri all her life.

That we make women lose her identity as a Doctor or a Professor once she gets married. That we make women forget their dreams or shelve their dreams the minute they get married? How many stories have you read of women who start following their dreams after their husbands left them? How many women have changed the world only after the husbands left? Look at the world’s history of great women, and you will see a trend. Only when their husbands left them, did a majority followed their hearts and changed the world at that.

Did you know that a third of the women right now will be divorced and living as single mothers by the time they are 45? By this time they have 3 teenage kids, with a degree that they got married with, and a stagnated career on her way to retrenchment because she never developed herself because she was busy being ‘married’?

It’s because we make women think that getting married is the ultimate prize, and many stop living because they already won the prize.

Why do men dismiss women because they are unmarried? Is her opinion of a lesser value because she is unmarried? Is respect penned on a marriage certificate? Is this why women stick in unhappy settings so they can get the respect from the society?

What pains me the most is that the author of these tweets is a young man. I expected such comments from a 50 year old man because of the times, but a young woke man? We are in trouble ladies!

A man who can stand up to call a woman who is getting married as ‘chapped’, does he have a desire to marry? How will he feel that on the day of his wedding, everyone calls his bride ‘a chapad woman?’

He also says that unmarried women are unmarried because they have ‘maringo’.  Already, he has an attitude towards women. Does he prefer for women to lower their standards just to get married, and stick in an unhappy relationship forever, or show their true colours to men just after marriage?

From what I understand, the author of the tweets is not married. I worry about him more than I worry about the unmarried women we have around.

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