How to let go of the pain of your past


We live in a very judgmental world, where people are constantly reminding you of the wrong things you have done and sometimes taking pleasure in throwing it in your face. People can be mean, brutal and misunderstand you for your imperfections. Not letting go of your past is like dust that continuously chokes you every day. Sometimes you may not even move on to be better simply because you’re trapped. The feelings of guilt, anger, confusion as well as disgust may hover over you. What’s even worse is that you have to learn how to hide your past or pain so no one evaluates you. Whether small or big the past finds a way to taunt you that you feel you do not deserve better nor should you have the right to have peace.

Letting go of your past does not mean you excuse your past. You may discover the reason as to why you did some things or why things happened the way they did. It takes courage for you to forgive yourself and become anew again. It is a refresh button that we often do not like to press. You may find it hard to let go of the past and let it go. You ask yourself questions. So why am I feeling broken because I cannot find a way forward? Does it mean I ought to cut some people off? Does it mean I begin a complete new life? It is very confusing. Just like everyone else you yearn for liberation of your soul. My soul buries a lot of secrets and what’s even worse we all pretend to not to. We are all either living in the past or we keep reintroducing this baggage. So exactly how is it done?

Letting go of the past. Image from

1. Forgive: This is something we often find hard to do. When it comes to forgiving yourself, it is not excusing what you did. Forgiveness means that you are ready to move on to be a better person. This is when you close that chapter and decide that you are not going back to how it used to be. Many times we forgive ourselves to feel better and then repeat the mistakes again. This especially happens when other people forgive you.

Forgiveness is always a chance to be better. Forgiving others is especially hard. When you forgive someone it may be hard to forget. This means when you forgive someone else you can decide to cut them off if you have already given enough chances or you simply can’t be in their lives. Forgiving someone else sets you free from negativity. Every time you are harboring pain you are hurting yourself. It takes understanding and you will need to be patient.

2. Confess if you need to: People have different ways of expressing their pain. When it comes to your past, it depends on what is trapping you. If you did something to someone then it is time to apologize and agree on what’s next. On the other hand if you were hurt then you might as well express your pain to the relevant person. Sometimes that person may be out of reach so this is when you write a letter or get someone to vent to.

3. Learn from your past: If your past is still your current present then the reality is that peace might be hard to find. You cannot undo the past but you can learn from it. You can choose to be better than what you were or do what you need to do to make your future better. Sometimes this may mean cutting people off. When you learn from your past you have a testimony so you can talk about it after.

4. No more pity parties: The fact that your past cannot be changed means that you cannot live in it. People eventually get tired of hearing your past issues. While it may be true that a lot of your past issues may have affected your present self it will eventually be an excuse. For example if you have alcoholic tendencies you may blame it on your father who drunk a lot too. A pity party allows you to wail and not become stronger. If you keep using the blame game, people will victimize you or use it against you too.

5. Your past does not define your future: From now on you need to take charge of your own life. Do not let people weigh you down by reminding you of who you used to be. There needs to be progress between your hurtful or bad past to greater achievements. If your problem was or is weight do not let it follow you till the end of time. Leave excuses behind and redefine your life.

History may repeat itself; the past may remain the present only if you let it. Love yourself enough to want a liberated life that does not have you weighed down. Do not live a life of what could have or should have but what is and what will be. Be greater than yesterday for yourself not because of anyone else. Let go of your past.

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Vanessa Raychael is a young writer passionate about writing. She is a student at Daystar University. She has written for the People newspaper as a fiction writer and she also hosts a show in a gospel station known as Vision TV. During her spare time, she likes nature trails, spending time with friends and going for events. You can check out her work on her blog