Watching movies gives us unrealistic expectations on love, we dream of fairytale love that does not exist. This is mostly introduced to us growing up; we watch these movies expecting our love life to be the same. But in reality, it isn’t, you go through so much just be with someone. Plus all the heartbreaks that come with it.
I had an idea of how my life would be. I would finish high school, graduate from university, get a job and settle with a man of my dreams happily ever after. Well, it started in college, guys would woo you to their bedrooms more than to their hearts. You would think he will change his mind about loving you, that if you changed something maybe you will be wife material. You would cook for him, clean after him and help him with other issues. One year later you would be dumped for another one.
I remember when I met him, it was all beautiful and romantic: good morning messages, movie dates, and taking long walks talking. My rule applied, no sex until after marriage, he “understood”.
Things started to change, so I compensated no sex with cooking, I mean as they say “to get to a man’s heart is through his stomach”. I cooked lunch and dinner, his favourite meals just to make sure he was “happy” so he could love me. The messages become less; the phone calls were next to non-existent. But in my head I loved him, and he needed to know. So I did what any woman in love would do, I gave up the cookie.
That one night, I made sure I cooked his favourite meal, there was soft music and there were candles. Basically, the Hollywood kind of cliché of a romantic night. I made sure to make it seem like it just happened and that I hadn’t planned to give up the cookie. The cherry was popped; it was all weird but having no previous experience I thought it was a top of the mountain kind of night.
The problem is that your first time is always the one you cherish, especially with someone you love. It is like a drug that keeps you happy. You become obsessed with wanting it all over again, but he stops answering any of your messages, and he doesn’t return your calls. You become more obsessed, “why doesn’t he want me again? Wasn’t I good enough?”
You keep asking the same questions with no answers. You become depressed, you cry at every little thing. Then one day you receive a message “Hey sexy!”. It hits you that he is horny and just needs sex. Which will lead you through the whole depressing mode all over again. So you do the inevitable, block him everywhere. Block calls and messages, block him on all social media. You put an end to the love affair! And you let reality check in.
But then it becomes a vicious circle, you become afraid of dating but you feel lonely every night. So you unblock his number. Since you know all his hangout places, you present yourself unexpected looking sexy as hell. You spend the whole night talking, you end up at your place and have amazing sex.
Then in the morning, he tells you he is not ready for commitment but he is ok with being “friends with benefits”. Because the sex is so good, you agree. Maybe you can change his mind about having a relationship. So you are there, him texting you all the time, or rather sexting you all the time. You are not in a relationship, but you are not seeing other people, more so wasting your time over something that has no future. But you keep telling yourself, he is a good catch, plus good sex, you don’t want to let him go. Months go by then one day, you realize you periods is late by a week…
***Single lady in Nairobi is a collection of real-life stories and opinions from different women. It looks at the current world of dating in Kenya and experiences that ladies have gone through. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the contributors and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of Potentash.com.