Single Lady In Nairobi: When Mr. Right Just Wants To Keep It Casual…Friends With Benefits


I met a man. A great man. A man who has respect and good manners. Remind me to thank his mama if I ever meet her. A man who has no baby mama stories hovering over his head and his wallet. A man who has a great body. A man who smells like the morning dew…. too fresh.  A man who is good in bed. A man that I want to take to my mama so badly but… but ‘he does not want a relationship’. He wants to remain in the casual sex zone. Aaaarrggghh!!

Good loving but casual. Image from
Good loving but casual. Image from

Now, when you get this kind of man, whatever he says, you pretend to agree with, then you ask your friends the easiest way to get him to ‘be in a relationship. The fastest and most convenient way to get him into the box, or the prison’

After a month with him, I decided to do things and say things that insinuate that we are together. Now, this great man is also a very intelligent man. While I was thinking that I am getting him into some box, he was putting me into some box that made me think my magic was working.

Now ladies, I need to share with you 5 things this man said to me, to make me think ‘tuko pamoja’

  1. You will meet my friend

The conversation starts ‘oh, I was with Mike. My boy from college. You will meet him soon’ Now, this is music to a girl’s ears. This Mr. no relationship is making baby steps by introducing me to his close friend. Or so I thought.

Guys know how to work a woman’s psychology. No introduction to any of his friends and we are in month three.

  1. We need a holiday

A vacation with your man means 20 steps forward. Now, I don’t know why Mister No relationship could not say ‘I need a holiday’ but to involve me in that statement is pure heartbreak. I started thinking of myself in a bikini, not letting my IG breath with captions like #LifesABeach #BaeTings.  No mention of that anymore.

  1. I will bring you here

You miss him and call him to find out what’s his plan for the day. The conversation starts “what are you up to?’

HIM:  “I am having Koroga with my friends in Parklands. Such a nice place. I should bring you here.”  Tell me that statement does not move you from shagmate to girlfriend… well, at least in your mind.

  1. What are we doing this weekend?

Now, we know that this statement is for girls who are in the girlfriend zone. This statement gets you going. You start thinking of the many things you have wanted to do with a bae on a weekend. Maybe lunch, a drive, church on Sunday, lunch with some friends….right? But then you remember this is the same guy who does not want to be in a relationship. So what’s going on?

  1. I will make you dinner at my house

Game over. When a man says that, know you are on your way to girlfriend zone. For a man to make you dinner, he has to really value you and respect you. Thoughts ran in my mind of how I will behave. How we will be whipping things in the kitchen together, as we make jokes about anything and everything. Oh, I am still here fantasizing.

Well, month three is here, and none of the above has happened. He played me good. He is a smart man. A complicated lover. A ladies’ man. A man who knows how to play with women’s psychology. So good at this game. So here I am, still in the shagmate zone. Taking one minute at a time. Lowered my expectation of anything else to ground zero. Wanting more but having to stick to what we agreed because I don’t want to lose him. Maybe I should move on but I can’t. He is the perfect man for me but he just wants sex no strings attached.

Ni sawa tu!

Check out these other great singlehood series/Single lady in Nairobi stories.

The Singlehood Series: My Date Humiliated Me In Front Of My Workmates At A Tusker Project Fame Event

Single Lady In Nairobi: When Love Leads To Depression

The Singlehood Series: When The Married Man In Class Asks You To Be His Girlfriend

The Singlehood Series: My Perfect Woman Turned Out To Be An Escort

Dating A Smooth Operator – He Came, He Saw, He Conquered And Then He Broke My Heart

Relationships: Ten Signs That You Are In A Situationship

***Single lady in Nairobi is a collection of real life stories and opinions from different women. It looks at the current world of dating in Kenya and experiences that ladies have gone through. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the contributors and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of

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The singlehood series is a collection of real-life stories and opinions from different people. It looks at the current world of dating in Kenya and experiences that people have gone through. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the contributors and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of