Who wants to be an M.P?


Who wants to be an M.P?
Me Please!
I want to earn a big fat pay cheque
I want to embarrass myself
By issuing statements that I shall deny
Please let me act like a fool
Let me wail like a mad one
And make silly facial expressions

Image from https://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/h/hear_no_evil.asp

Who wants to be an M.P?
Me Please!
I want to make promises to you
Promises I shall never ever deliver
I want you to give me the keys to the safe
So I can run away with all the money
And when you question me
I shall simply act funny

Who wants to be an M.P?
Me Please!
I want to abuse you and condemn you
For having the guts to question me
I want to fall asleep in the middle of crucial debates
Wake up and cry foul
Claiming there is a nasty plot
To finish me and my supporters

Who wants to be an M.P?
Me Please!
I want to advocate for the rights
Of my fellow conceited brethren
Propose a 200% pay rise for us
And watch the rest of you
Wallowing deeper and deeper
Into the quagmire of poverty

Who wants to be an M.P?
Me Please!
I want to change from being humble
To being arrogant…flashy…bossy…unhealthy
Spend nights in hospital suffering from gout and the flu
As my neighbours in the village
Suffer from hunger…starvation…maladies … no medical treatment
And many other uncertainities

So please…when you choose me
Please know that me personally
I shall never ever open my mouth to speak
Because there will be no need to
Why bother waste my breath and my energy?
As I sit back…relax…wait for my tax-free pay cheque?
I will miss big debates…attend seminars and retreats out of town
Polish my golf skills…learn French or Salsa…enroll for a parallel university degree course
So please…me…I want to be an M.P….

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Michael Kwambo is a retired rugby player. He started out at Impala before moving to KCB. He currently is the Media & Communications Manager at the Kenya Rugby Union, and is in his spare time a writer, poet and singer.