Single Lady In Nairobi: I Refuse To Settle For Bad Sex


Life as a single lady is complicated as it is. I mean, picture waking up at ungodly hours to work your back off for a boss  who doesn’t appreciate what you do or keeps refusing to give you a promotion because you are a women to the unfortunate fact as a woman you have to endure periods – that come with terrible cramps, bloated stomachs, explosive hormones, not being able to wear cute underwear for almost a week… you see where I’m going with this right?

Also, it’s hard for single people to get sex all the time. Why? Because you can have sex today and the next time you will have some quality action is like in a month or six months. Yes, six months. Some people even stay years without sex … How they manage that I don’t know.

You have the fact that some of these men will ghost you for like a week or they just disappear completely after having a good time with you, then add those crazy work schedules in between and finally we have periods for like a week (or two) of that month. So our chances of having sex as single people reduce by the day; it’s just not guaranteed! Point is, I can’t stand the fact that I have to go through all that, then still face the fact that when I do get that little time to relax, I get a guy who can’t help me blow off steam the way I want to?

No thank you!

And in my opinion, I’ve never understood women who settle for bad sex. Life is crappy enough without settling for lousy orgasms and fake climaxes.

Couple not taking. Image from
Couple not taking. Image from

I had never really thought of the quality of sex I got until I bumped into a long lost friend of mine. The last time I hang out with my friend Sly, I felt unnoticed; I thought I had worn the wrong dress that night to the club, because truth be told Sly is just drop-dead gorgeous!! She’s the type of lady who’ll have guys swooning over her even if she decided to wear rags and no makeup that day. She’s also the type of lady who would pretty much decide to have any Adonis in the city, which puzzled me when she introduced me to Rick.

Rick was your average guy. He wasn’t that good-looking, didn’t have a beard and wasn’t taller than 5”8, which is something Sly was really picky about, so I just couldn’t wipe off the confused look I had when she walked in with him to my table at the restaurant. We were having brunch in a really nice spot in the outskirts of the city and one hour down, I still couldn’t get why she was with him. He was funny, but not interesting enough and he wasn’t much of a charmer so the questions kept building up in my mind.

When he finally got up from the table to pick a call from the office, I had my chance. I just had to know why a stunner such as Sly was with this guy, and for no less than 1 year. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging the type of men that my friend has in her life but if you saw Sly, you’d have the same questions I had that day.

Me: “So Rick… He seems interesting!”

Sly: (with a huge smile on her face) “I know right? Isn’t he just amazing?”

Me: (trying to be diplomatic) “Yeah, yeah… sure thing. I’ll just jump straight and ask you this, what do you see in this guy?”

Sly: “Why do you ask that? Kwani is there something wrong with him?”

Me: “No there isn’t, I’m just puzzled. I mean, this one doesn’t even have a beard and you know how you always say you can never be seen with a guy who isn’t rocking a mane.”

Sly: (chuckles) “Ah, I get you. I know he really isn’t my type but girl this guy is fine!!! I mean he makes me feel things I’ve never felt before.”

Me: (with a confused expression on my face) “Hunny, I’ve known you for such a long time and the kind of guys you’ve dated and hang around are something else compared to Rick.”

Sly: “Exactly! None of them knew what I wanted. None of them knew how to really satisfy my needs! I mean Rick makes my toes curl in bed, there’s this thing he does that makes me almost bite my lip off! Truth be told, none of the guys I was with before even made an effort in bed. I mean sure they looked good and they knew how to keep conversations interesting but when it came to the real work in the sack, I was never satisfied. But Rick, Rick makes sure that I’m huffing and puffing and screaming his name at the top of my lungs; and I love it!”

At that moment when Rick was walking back to the table, I suddenly saw him as this Greek sex god, and all the things he could possibly do to make Sly glow the way she was at that moment; and I was cringing with jealousy.

Have you ever regretted giving having sex with someone? You meet this guy and after a couple of amazing dates, hot steamy sexting in the middle of the day and a few empty wine bottles later, you regret even saying hi to him because he’s probably the lousiest sex you’ve ever had?

At that moment I remembered the once lousy sex I had, and I wished I could take it back and probably give it to a guy like Rick. A guy who would not brag about knowing what to do in bed then 5 minutes later he’s already done.

I wish I could take my sex back and give it to someone who wasn’t too proud to ask me what I like and don’t like. I mean, women are different and what worked for one might not work for me, so why be afraid to ask? Not that I want you to drown me with questions like, “oh, who’s your daddy? Do you like that? Do you want me to do it more? Do you want me to pull your hair? Is that too much pulling? Geez!!! “

I am tired of bad sex and I refuse to have bad sex in my life.

I want quality sex, not quantity sex. You may want us to do it every day of the week, but hunny if my toes don’t curl and my legs aren’t shaking after then I’d rather not have it. I want to have a good time with someone who’ll get to know what works for me and what doesn’t. Don’t just assume that I like a certain position and that I like my hair being pulled in the process. Finding the time, money and energy to take care of my hair isn’t a luxury I can afford, so please ask first.

Sex is a two-way street. Men, learn to please women. You could be amazed at the things that good sex will do to her – good sex improves her mood, releases tension, makes her feel good about herself and when she gets it good, trust me she’ll do more than enough to return the favor – I know I will *wink*

Bottom-line is, it’s hard enough being a single woman in Nairobi, the least I can do is make sure I say no to bad sex!

***Single lady in Nairobi is a collection of real life stories and opinions from different women. It looks at the current world of dating in Kenya and experiences that ladies have gone through. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the contributors and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of

Facebook Comments