A Man’s Confession: I Lost Le Crush With One Sentence


I found myself in a rather sticky situation the other day when a friend of mine asked a rather obvious question, and if I am not getting ahead of myself I think I took evolution a few steps back. Keep in mind that my friend is recently wed and is still in that phase of marriage where it’s all bliss and you are both googly-eyed for each other. I only know about this because I watch too many romantic movies for my own good. In my defence, I grew up with two sisters and also romantic movies rarely disappoint in terms of story-line. No, 50 Shades Of Grey does not count. That’s just a perverted and deeply disturbed rich man’s fantasy. Tell me and be honest with both yourself, would you still feel feverish about Christian Grey if he was a poor man living in a dingy bedsitter in Githurai (I assume they have a replica of ‘Githu’ over there)?

Disclaimer: Githurai is a pretty cool place, you know if you don’t mind the overcrowding and the eternally looming possibility that your phone already has a buyer even before they can ‘liberate’ it from you. Ahh the joys of being a Nairobian. Anyway, I digress.

So tell me would you still be so hell-bent on grabbing your 50 shades if that was the case? Hmm, would you? Ponder that. Again I digress.

So my friend asked me, ‘What does your ideal woman look like?’ Easy no?  Wrong! I guess because a lady I’d had my eye on for quite a while was there and immediately turned to me. “Yes tell us”, she quipped.

I could have said that I wanted a woman who’s ‘woke’. I love that word. (Where has it been all my life?) A woman who’s melanin is popping. This phrase tickles my funny-bone. I truly do not understand it.  I could have said that I wanted a woman that was in touch with her roots. Who knew her heritage and wore it like a crown. People, I could have said I wanted a woman who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes! Yes, a feminist. They are not such a bad bunch, just a misunderstood one.

I could even have said that I wanted a good girl, you know one who held the same opinion as I do that bazokizo should not be a dance for grown, intelligent, woke folk, or the very least one who was about church salvation and living in the light. I could have said any of those things and I’d have been in the clear.


Girl not amused. Image from http://hurt2healingmag.com/the-game-2-types-of-men-women-need-to-be-careful-of/

But there’s something about being between your married and your crush that, or as they say a rock and a hard place. Something about that situation just makes all rational thought vaporize like dew off a leaf. This intense questioning was not helping either. So, ladies and gentlemen, I ended up saying, ‘I’d just appreciate a woman who cooks and loves me.” And with that statement, I managed to take evolution back a few years and lose a crush, in one fell swoop.

Moral of the story: do not sit next to your crush and your recently married friend.

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