Single Lady In Nairobi: When Your Dating Friends Treat You Like The Enemy


Being single comes with its fair share of anxieties, most of which I can handle with ease. I mean, the colder nights of the month can feel endless and seeing couples with their public display of affection melts my otherwise strong resolve to be independent. However, these are all child’s play compared to the new challenge I didn’t anticipate.

It just so happens to be that some of my female friends who are in relationships think I am the enemy. My friendship card has been revoked for the flimsy reason that my singlehood places me at a position to ‘steal’ their men.

The squad was hanging out at the K1 flea market for Sunday brunch when I made the mistake of laughing too hard at Sam’s joke. He had applied a meme to real life and so we had a private moment of hearty laughter leaving the rest of the table, including his girlfriend, out of the loop. Being an inside joke, there was no way to let them in on it and you could feel the mood change around the table.

Kate, Sam’s girlfriend, stood up from her seat and came around to plant herself on his lap. I could immediately tell it was a clear marking of territory and quickly tried to change topics before fists and wigs started to fly. After a few minutes of active talking, things felt relatively normal despite Kate’s absolute refusal to leave her man’s side for the rest of the day.


When you are the third wheel. Image from

That should have been the end of it, but hell hath no fury… The WhatsApp group that night was active with picture after picture of inspirational quotes sent by Kate. All of them were subliminal messages which felt intended for me. “A true lioness will do anything for her pack”, “Be careful not to push a loyal woman to the edge” and my personal favourite, ”A real queen is not afraid to take the crown off sometimes just to get the job done”. I was the ‘job’ she was ready to ‘get done’.

Battle lines had been drawn, and I was on the wrong side of them. I made up my mind to call Sam just so we could talk it over but even then, as we cracked jokes about how crazy she was being, we both knew for both our peace of mind, our friendship was going to have to take a backseat.

I suppose it makes sense to want to spend time with your partner, he is after all your most favourite person in the world. It’s just a little ridiculous to completely cut him off from friends he had even before the two of you started dating.

Whether it is insecurity or neediness, I cannot be sure. I understand the urge to protect your relationship, I just don’t think making him exist in isolation is the way to go about it.

It’s unfair to call the single girl the enemy as if her relationships status makes her some sort of pariah. Not everyone is vengeful and out to destroy your relationship. Plus, is it not better for him to have friends you know about and who you see daily rather than be with people you’ve never met?


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Single lady in Nairobi is a collection of real-life stories and opinions from different women. It looks at the current world of dating and experiences that ladies have gone through. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the contributors and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of

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