DJ Mo has been on the receiving end of criticism after an interview with Pulse Live went viral, in which he reveals the tests his wife, singer Size 8, had to go through before he deemed her fit for marriage. The tests, intended to determine whether she was with him for his money, included moving to a ’humble’ house that could only be accessed by jumping over a ditch among other ridiculous requirements of cleaning his dirty house.
He hit back at his critics with disparaging comments about Njoki Chege’s status as a single mum attracting even more attention necessitating a public apology. But that is a whole other thing. What caught my attention was the first part of this saga; the marriage test.
Relationships are generally a very objective topic of discussion. What works for one couple might not necessarily work for another. However, there are certain accepted standards that can be said to be constant in facilitating the success of all relationships, key example being communication.
This should be an easy concept to grasp, after all, we perform it daily in all aspects of life. Somehow, the script changes when it comes to romantic relationships. It all becomes mind games with everyone unwilling to be the bigger person. Men particularly have been the main propagators of this silence, since they seem to most benefit from it. They are considered the keepers of the castle, with full powers to decide what, when and how the relationship is, starts/stops and goes.
The patriarchal system we live in has sold marriage as the ultimate goal for women. A Mrs. seems to have more worth than a Miss, without the same applying to men. For this reason, the entire dating dynamic is skewed in favor of the man, with him holding all the cards. DJ Mo exemplifies this perfectly. His relationship with Size 8 seems to set him above, on a pedestal. He is a prize to be earned, and Size 8 must then jump through hoops to prove herself worthy. It is curious that this is the case despite both of them being successful in their respective careers.
The tests he put her through are mostly domestic, begging the question, are these really the most important traits in a marriage? In addition, what were her considerations? Did he consider whether she had tests similar to his? Was it important to him to tick her checklist as well? Or was she content to be turned this way and that, like a mango being checked for ripeness? Failure to communicate right from the beginning, approaching a lifetime commitment through the lenses of falsehood casts a shadow on the whole affair. Would it not have been easier to communicate his insecurities? (because they are insecurities, that she’ll leave him for a richer man)
Of course, it would be unfair to assign blame fully to the men for their stunted communication skills. The patriarchy has not been kind to them either. They have been expected to keep up with unreasonable standards of masculinity, which shame not just communication but nearly all outwardly showing emotions with the exception of aggression.
However, accepting as we are of the facts that led us to this point, we must do better now that we know better. Open communication channels so that each party is aware of expectations that have been placed on them. Love does not have to be a game whose winners are the most submissive women and the craftiest men. It’s 2017, be open and deliberate about your intentions.