Love is not blind, Love sees what is most true – Vanna Bonta
20 centuries later, multiple voyages into space, all that knowledge embedded in our brains and we still cannot figure out one thing, love. There is no guidebook, we simply feel it and express it. Relationships have become a game of trial and error; a game of miss and match until you find what works. Sounds really morbid when you put it like that. However, as much as we may not understand love, we know that in any relationship it does not always come easy. It requires patience, selflessness and so much more. We go through a lot for love but when does it become too much? We have talked about toxic relationships. How do we know that the relationship we are in is not healthy anymore?
Humans at their core are inherently different. This means arguments and collision of opinions is imminent. The same happens in relationships. You will not always agree on everything and you will end up arguing from time to time. However, with great communication skills, when both of you are calm, find a middle ground and end the argument. It may not happen immediately after the fight but eventually, it should happen.
However, if you realize that you cannot communicate with your significant other after arguments, then there must be something wrong. Sweeping things under the rug and walking around sneering at each other over long periods of time is a sign that something is amiss.
We are all human and jealousy is bound to happen once in a while. However, when you get extremely territorial over your significant other that you can barely let him out of your sight, there is a problem. If you keep constantly checking up on them or accusing them of cheating, you have a big problem on your hands. Healthy relationships have to be built on trust. Without trust, you might as well be like the teacher monitoring students in an exam room.
Sometimes, in a bid to make our significant others happy, we may pretend we are something we are not. Some people go as far as changing their personalities. If you feel the need to pretend to be someone you are not to be with someone, that right there is a problem. Relationships are supposed to be safe havens where we can be ourselves and loved for who we are. If you’re significant other always wants you to be someone you are not, you need to reevaluate the relationship.
Your significant other should be one of your biggest supporters. They should want nothing but to see you be the best you can be. As a couple, it is your responsibility to each other to push each other to be the best versions of yourselves. This includes correcting each other when either of you strays from the path. However, this does not include unproductive criticism. If your partner constantly puts you down by making crude remarks about your physic, work ethic or ideas, he stops being a life partner and simply becomes a bully.
All take, No Give
Funny thing about this is that it takes a while before you notice it. When we are in relationships, we try our best to be the best partners we can be. So much so that we may overlook the fact that our partner is neglecting us. We end up making excuses to cover up their absence in our lives. If you are the only one making the effort to make plans, reach out, and help out and all you get in return in silence, you need to take a step back and have a conversation with your significant other.
The one thing to note about all these issues is that they do not necessarily mean the end of your relationship. The most important thing is to note they are happening and do something about it before it turns out to be a toxic relationship.