The Singlehood Series: I Am Still A Virgin At 30 But None Of My friends Know


I am a 30-year-old virgin.

Yes, you’re reading it right. No typo. 30 years old and yes we exist.

For as long as I can remember I have always been an ambivert. I don’t mind hanging out at social gatherings but also I am so comfortable being alone that sometimes it scares me. I had my first kiss when I was pretty young; blame it on curiosity and a slightly older male playmate. But I am still a virgin when it comes to the deed itself. In my late teens and twenty’s, the narrative was based on purity and all that hullabaloo. I am not trying to downgrade anyone who is a virgin and is waiting for the right time. Things is, I have been waiting for that person forever and ever and ever…

I have always wondered why it’s taking me so long to venture into this experience. I can’t come up with one answer. Have you ever googled ’30-year-old virgin?’ The results are just sad. Not the woishe – woishe kind of sad, it’s embarrassing.

Let alone settling down, I have never been in a long-term relationship. Most of my friends are getting married and having kids while I am still trying to figure out the basics. The thing is I have always been attracted to guys who are ‘not there’, unavailable so to speak.

As humans, we all crave intimacy and companionship. For me, most of the guys I am attracted to usually want the opposite and that puts me off completely. I recently landed a new job and apart from my friends whom we cleared with campo together, no one knows about this. I could carry on a conversation about being in a relationship you would think I am a guru but I am far from it.  I never share this with anyone because of fear of being looked at funny or even worse, them thinking that you are weird.

I have been on dates but none of them has led to anything worth mentioning. I once went out on a blind date with this guy (those days of old-school dating websites; nimbuzz and tagged), and it turned out to be quite good, one of those 1 in a million nice dates. We had a good time and we kept in touch and went out a few more times. The guy introduced me to his supposedly ‘close’ friend. I was so naïve.

Once I felt comfortable, I opened up to him and I let the cat out of the bag… Well he never spoke to me after that. I even found out later that he had a wife who was expectant with his second child. It was crushing. Since then it terrifies me to be rejected by a guy that I like because of something that is part of me and so intimate. I can’t seem to let anyone in, I trust no one.

I guess I should be worried about more serious matters but to me this is serious. Starting a family and having someone special to share it with is something I keep thinking about constantly. I will wait and pray to God that when it finally happens I will be glad that I waited this long.

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The singlehood series is a collection of real-life stories and opinions from different people. It looks at the current world of dating in Kenya and experiences that people have gone through. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the contributors and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of


  1. There is no issue with being a virgin, its not even worth a mention, there are no trophies to be worn over sex.If it takes the right mate, then you find him. The right mate, takes time, and however long it takes, if you are out there he will show up.