The Singlehood Series: When You Are The Campus “Wife” But He Is Just Using You!

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Woman making a delicious meal. Image from http://www.evejorgensenart.com/album/eve-jorgensen-art/islander-woman-cooking-jpg/

Single lady in Nairobi: Don’t be eager to over impress

Have you ever met those ladies in university who do everything for their boyfriends? I don’t mean ‘everything’ in terms of love and care for them; I mean cook, clean his house, wash his boxers and even give them money. Meanwhile, the guy just sits there smoking shisha and blowing the smoke in your face as you tirelessly scrub off the vomit from last night’s party off his carpet?

Such cases just leave me wondering where the heck we went wrong as women. I mean can’t we just give a fair share to a relationship without going as far as literally breaking your back just to keep this guy by your side? Is the sex really that good that you’d give your all to become a wife to someone who doesn’t even give a rat’s ass about whether you find other girl’s panties in his bed as you clean his bedroom?

 

Woman making a delicious meal. Image from http://www.evejorgensenart.com/album/eve-jorgensen-art/islander-woman-cooking-jpg/

See, going through campus has always been regarded as one of the main stages that really teaches you about life’s harsh truths. Getting to live alone (or sometimes with a roommate or two) far away from the tender care of your parents/guardians shows you a thing or two about how to buckle up and face tough things on your own. Examples of these include cutting down on expensive luxuries like eating meat every day to cutting down on having milk with your tea, but one big lesson I got from campus is dealing with relationships.

I personally managed to stay away from the drama of dating in campus, especially someone from the same institution but I got to experience a lot from the drama of fights and banging sufurias from the next door neighbours & breakups that would lead to someone even changing their major. Sounds crazy right? Not quite.

Not too long ago as I was lazily scrolling through my Facebook timeline, I stumbled across an eerie story of a girl I knew almost 6 years ago. It was eerie to me because I lived just two doors from the same girl in the same apartment flat while we were in university and she had gone through the same exact experience, and this was the second time I had heard of such a story.

Her name was Kathy. Kathy was smart, blessed with both beauty and brains and was lucky enough to come from a well-off family. She was handed life on a silver spoon that had her name engraved on it and she was happy until she met Kevin. Kevin was an ass. A serious ass for that matter. He would constantly drink, smoke, sleep around and even occasionally fight with Kathy to the point where she’d be admitted to hospital for her injuries but she never left the guy. To make it even worse, she’d give him everything. She’d go to his one-roomed house and cook, clean, pay all his bills and have monkey sex with the guy but he still took her for granted.

Lady cooking. Image from http://quickdinnersqueen.com/cooking-tips-and-tricks-for-tasty-and-healthy-meals/

I know what you’re thinking, why didn’t anyone tell Kathy how much Kevin was terrible for her? Well, everyone did. Even the lady who used to wash his clothes before they started dating and Kathy generously took that tiresome chore told her that that boy was no good but she never listened. She said that he just had a different way of showing it and Kevin actually really loved her, even when he beat her to a lifeless pulp on the floor. We all tried, she couldn’t listen and they stayed together for 3 years.

I heard little of them after I left until I saw someone shared her post on Facebook. Kathy was sharing her story and how wrong she had been for staying with him all that time. What stuck out for me was when she pointed out how she played wife and sometimes a mother to someone who never even considered her a girlfriend.

This got me thinking, how many ladies actually do some of these things? How many women cook, clean and slave away for guys who don’t even consider them a part of their lives? Not that making him a meal is bad, but some take it too far, to the extent of even taking days off from work to cater to this guy’s needs.

Kathy lost most of the time she had in university. She didn’t go for lectures and never gave in her assignments on time, simply because she was somewhere doing something for Kevin. Kevin went on to open three businesses with the money that Kathy kept lending him and he now has a fleet of beauty stores in Nairobi among other side hustles. The only advantage was that Kathy had parents who were well-off and she could fall back into their support and care. But what of those who cannot? What about those whose families are dependent on them finishing campus and making something great out of themselves?

As I went through that story on Facebook, I remembered a time when my mother would always say that I should never be eager to over impress a man and I should definitely never play a wife to someone who hadn’t yet put a ring on it. Giving up my life to impress a man who could never even lift a finger to help is out of the picture. I don’t want to sound like a feminist or anything and I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion now but I fully support the wise words of my mum.

What do you think?

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