Relationships: A Guide To Learning Your Partner’s Love Language

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According to Pastor cum author cum doctor Gary Chapman, there are five love languages – receiving gifts, words of affirmation, spending quality time, acts of service and physical touch. There’s a big chance that you and your partner speak a different love language from one another and this often leads to conflict. The truth is, your partner is not you. In some cases, you could be so similar yet so different. In other cases, you just don’t get them.

Mastering your partner’s love language holds the key to a successful relationship. It’s the beginning of pure bliss. You flow with one another and you feel a deeper connection to your partner. Who wouldn’t want this? If you’re struggling to learn someone’s love language, here’s a guide to help you in that department.


The best way to learn about someone is through observation when they do things subconsciously. Your partner’s love language is right in front of you the whole time. It might be words of affirmation. Watch how they react to a compliment or if they like hearing many I love you’s. Additionally, your partner could project their love language on you so be on the lookout for things that they do for you.


Some people are hard to read. If you can’t learn their love language, the least you can do is talk to them about it. Everybody has something that makes them tick so if you haven’t figured it out by now, just ask them. This will also save you time trying to figure it out the hard way. Check in to make sure you’re on the right track. Sometimes, you might think you have it but you’re not even close.

Black couple having a conversation. Image from


There are many ways to learn your partner’s love language. One of them is experimenting. Try all of them out and see what makes them the happiest. Start off with the most common ones like spending quality time or gifting. If this doesn’t work, advance to the other love language until you hit that sweet spot. This could take some time but I find it to be one of the most fun ways.

Check With Friends

They say, show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are. This couldn’t be more accurate especially in such a situation. The people you spend the most time with are a reflection of you. Therefore, there’s a high chance their friends have a better understanding of your partner’s love language more than you do. You can either watch their demeanor around their friends or ask their friends directly.

Childhood Stories

Most people’s love language is connected to their childhood. We tend to crave things we didn’t get as children hence we cherish it when we get it as adults. Get your partner to share childhood stories then pay attention to a recurring bad experience. Maybe they hardly spend time with their family, celebrated birthdays or got assistance while growing up. Whatever they lacked is probably their love language.

Check out 5 Ideas To Surprise Your Partner When You’re Stuck In A Relationship Slump and Relationships: 5 Apology Languages/Styles

Here are 8 Reasons Couples Should Travel Together

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