Relationships: Dating An Introvert – The Cheat Sheet

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The way your body responds to the outside environment plays a critical role in determining your level of extroversion and introversion.

Who is an introvert? As an introvert, I have been puzzled time and again by this question, especially when I find people on Instagram or YouTube (who are overly social) claiming to be introverts. Others are people I have encountered in parties and as we get to form friendships and learn about each other its a “jaw drop” when they claim to be introverts.

However, through research and experience, I have come to realize that introverts come in different forms and attitudes.

What defines us is the fact we need time to recharge from external overstimulation. Not to be confused with social shyness or mental anxiety. What this means is that introverts are more alert and therefore tend to overcharge, which prompts them to need time alone. This quiet time alone gives introverts an opportunity to process and reflect on what they have learned or observed.

Is it important to know if you’re dating an introvert or extrovert, you ask? Yes, because to form the basis of a successful relationship, we need to be accommodative, ready to accept each other’s shortcomings and importantly be aware of each other’s personality. This illuminates why people do, think or act the way they do.

  1. Hates phone calls, but doesn’t like texting either

An introvert is one to ignore a phone call, a text if she feels she isn’t ready to deal with it. By default, introverts are introspective meaning they tend to lean more towards how they feel on the inside than what’s happening outside.

By this virtue, an introvert will have 1000 unread messages from WhatsApp, clutter from Facebook messenger, but will log on to reply to just one text if it’s from someone she holds dear. (Quality over quantity). Not to mean that when they do not reply instantly they are ignoring you. Quite the contrary, they are on retreat mode so that later they can give you that undivided attention you deserve.

Dating an introvert, endcall button. image from
  1. Quality relationships over quantity

If you’re dating an introvert you will tend to realize that she doesn’t have more than three friends and neither does she care to add more. Introverts attain Zen when in solitude or with people they consider very close. In such situations do not think that they are rude or that they hate people. In fact, introverts are very curious and interested in finding out about other people. However, the needless talk will only drain an introvert, which is why she will tend to avoid creating such a situation for herself.

  1. Plan dates beforehand

An introvert likes planning and fitting appointments in a schedule for sheer mental preparedness.  With that said, do not be surprised if your introverted girlfriend says she is busy only to find her sleeping or watching a comedy with her friends.

According to Eysenck’s theory, introverts will tend to seek activities and an environment where they can escape from overstimulation. Therefore, last minute plans give introverts anxiety, which is exhausting, and this only prompts their brain to go flight mode.

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  1. She likes to be loved differently

Surprised by this? Introverts associate meaning to gestures from people they love. That is why they like to be loved differently. What this means is that they value authenticity and small gestures, like taking walks, star gazing or being given a token in the middle of nowhere that reminds them of a moment. Pull her from the crowd and express your love to her randomly. Keep her calendar and show up with snacks when she is in her periods. Just don’t expect her to equate your post of her on Instagram, to the moments you spend in real time. She remembers what happens behind the scenes more.

If you love an introvert, you are likely to bring over takeout food, with a smile on your face as she grins when she opens the door.” Thought Catalog

  1. Sometimes it’s hard to express herself

Not to be mistaken with not knowing what they want. An introvert will sometimes find it hard to tell you how she feels but can put it down on paper so well over, Into You by Tamia playing in the background.

With that said Introverts gravitate towards unique things from fashion, art, music and people. They tend to like deep works or arts, minds and forums that spark deep conversations. Their emotions run deep and that is why sometimes it might be hard to say what they feel instantly. However, with time, it all comes together and they will tell you the unexpected.

  1. She likes hearing your inner thoughts

She is not in sync with fleeting modernity of #relationshipgoals or not knowing what her partner loves. If it gets shallow, she will flee, but set her soul on fire she will remain. What this means, is that an introvert considers you telling her your deeper feelings, an invite to building a foundation for a relationship. This also gives her the head start to tell you what goes on in her mind.  What inspires you, what makes you tick, what is your passion? An introvert will always appreciate the responses to such questions.

  1. Very observatory

One common trait in introverts is that they are very observatory. Every experience gives them a stimulation that causes tenfold of reactions. She dreams in hues, creates different stories from simple events, imagines raucously and never stops thinking. Now you can imagine not letting such a mind simmer all that information in and taking it to a crowd. This is why sometimes an introvert will say they need space. They are not running from you, just trying to nourish their soul so that they can accommodate you again. Just know when she chooses you, you are in for a world of exploration. To note is that self-awareness is a priority to an introvert.

Dating an intovert: Man kissing woman’s hands. image from
  1. Netflix and chill

To an introvert, it is just that. She enjoys quiet and sometimes hanging out can mean staying in silence, reading, chilling, watching or what you understand by the term Netflix. It is not weird to find her turning you into her book mate and neither is it weird when she rises and tells you let’s go dancing!

The secret is in what percentage her charge reads.

In a nutshell, introversion on one end of a scale, extroversion lies on the other end. What establishes what you are, is at which side your personality tends to lean towards more. It is also the way your body responds to the outside environment, playing a critical role in determining your level of extroversion and introversion.

This means that an introvert will enjoy partying just like an extrovert does, where they differ is how they do it and what comes after. An extrovert will get energy from social interactions while an introvert goes out to expend this energy.

Related: 5 life lessons you can learn from Introverts.

7 questions you should ask on the first date.

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I am a writer with interest in hair, beauty and fashion. I also like telling stories, but most of all I enjoy listening and reading them. If I'm not doing any of the above, I will be trying to crack a game of chess or monopoly. My biggest fear is being ordinary.