Any couple that has been in a long term relationship has definitely had a situation where one of you is in the mood for sex while the other one isn’t. This can be common in cases where one partner has a higher sex drive than the other. If this is happening often in your relationship, it should not be a cause for alarm as there are a number of ways to get around the situation.
Realistically, it can be frustrating to resort to solo-sex or go without sex when you are craving intimacy but your partner is not in the mood to fulfil that even when they are there with you. Nonetheless, do not inflict guilt or pressure on them.
According to Dr. Jess O’Reilly, an Astroglide’s resident sexologist, do not pressure your partner. What you should do is ask them whether they need you to back off or if they will appreciate any effort to make the craving mutual. It is important to note that you should not completely abandon the sex topic in case your partner is dealing with a lack of arousal. There are definitely healthier outlets you can use to keep yourself relaxed if you are willing to be creative. Below are just a few of the things you should consider doing if you find yourself in the mood for sex but your partner is not.
- Give them a chance to trigger arousal
In case your partner is not as aroused as you are, it does not mean that they won’t get there. All you are supposed to be sure of before trying to arouse them is that they are willing and able to get aroused. If they have given it a try and still haven’t managed to turn on their moods, respect that.
Dr. Jess says that a significant percentage of people in relationships or marriages are not spontaneous when it comes to getting aroused. This implies that for such individuals, they must first experience arousal before experiencing desire. This is mainly common in women. Every person is different and, therefore, communication is key, especially in such matters. After talking, you will realize that some people are aroused after a massage, others respond to dirty talks while others are aroused after feeling loved. Use different approaches and find out what works for your partner. Try These 16 Aphrodisiac Foods To Ignite Your Romance
- Don’t conclude that it is personal
This is one of the effective tips when you are dealing with a situation where your partner is not aroused and you are. Taking the case personally will only deteriorate the situation. It will definitely feel like rejection but the most important thing is how you will manage the situation without shaming them.
You should try and encourage your partner to talk about why they are not feeling desire. Once they become honest with you, applaud them and tell them that you appreciate that they are taking care of themselves.
- Take it as an opportunity to know about your partner
Even though it might feel like a rejection, take it as an opportunity to learn about your partner, especially when you detect a pattern to the rejection. For instance, you might end up learning that your partner only craves sex at a certain time of the day. Additionally, you might end up realizing that they get in the mood if you flirt or sext them. It is recommendable that you ask them when they feel the desire to have sex so that you can find a way to ensure that you are both satisfied.
- Find other ways to connect
Both of you can be intimate without actually having sex. You can do this by massaging each other, cuddling or making out. You can also approach them with tenderness and ask them what they are craving.
This is the only other way you can gain sexual satisfaction without having sex with your partner or anyone else. Well…. If you could be open to it, it can relieve you of the unfulfilled sexual desire in case your partner does not want to have sex with you or they are not in a position to have sex with you. Some of the instances that would make them unable to engage in sex with you include; recovery from childbirth, illness, physical separation, and fatigue among others.
Nonetheless, you should try and communicate with your partner before taking this as an option because it can be addictive. Additionally, masturbation can be good for your relationship and for you as well when openness is involved. If done in moderation, it can save you from being unfaithful or from contracting STI and HIV from infected individuals.
Sex drive discrepancies are among major relationship issues and you should not allow the issue to end your relationship. By being open-minded about the definitions of intimacy, sex and pleasure, you will definitely reach a compromise that will fully satisfy both of you. As a matter of fact, while negotiating about boundaries and desires, you might end up getting closer.