The Single Mama Chronicles: When Will Kenyan Men Learn How To Ask For Sex?

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In matters sex, things that seem to be common sense often shrivel, especially when it’s the man doing the thinking.

Jimwat sung “Si unani like, na mi naku like so tuna laikiana/ si una psyche na mi nina psyche so tuna pyschiana,” but it seems like Kenyan men, especially the ones I meet, don’t know how to be direct with the question when asking for sex.

Now, two weeks ago, I told you about the IT guy called Kama that I was going to try to date. Pretty cool guy. He laughed too much at his own jokes but I had seen worse. Plus he was a very, very good listener.

One of my issues with him was that he buttoned his shirt all the way to the top. I mean…aaaalll the way. Hear me out. These are signs that a man does not like to loosen up. Everything has to be straight and narrow with them. You know I love me some bad boys but I was willing to go in a different direction. At least with this one, I knew exactly what to expect. If we ever had sex, I was sure it was going to be missionary style or nothing. But I was okay with that.

There was also this other small matter of sexual attraction. It just was not there for me. Maybe it was the shirts. Or maybe it was his squeaky laughter. But by date number five, I had decided this was not it. But apparently, he had different ideas.

This is where Kenyan men get it wrong.

After buying me copious amounts of alcohol on the date, which I gladly consumed, being the fish that I am, and complimenting me about everything, he suggested we should share a cab home. I was happy that it would reduce my taxi cost by half but Brother Buttons had other ideas.

We stopped at his house first.

Ni ngapi?” he asked the cab driver.

“400 bob,” he responded.

Then turning to me he said, “Tushuke, you can go home tomorrow, it’s only 4 hours to morning anyway.”

“It’s 4 hours to tomorrow morning and 15 minutes to my house. I’m going home,” I responded. The Guarana suddenly cleared from my head when I realised Brother Buttons was determined to have me follow him to his house. And oh, he looked extremely tense, if you know you know.

He insisted, became petulant, before adding that he would “take the couch”.

One word for that taking the couch line: Puhleeeezeeee!

Anyway, I asked the very amused cab guy to turn around immediately and take me home.

To the men who want girls to sleep with them, please just ask and No is a full answer. No need to ask them why because you might need counselling after that. So the next time you want a girl, tell her. There’s no amount of alcohol that can make a girl do what she did not intend to in the first place. Forget the myths that tell you otherwise. Vitu kwa ground ni different. Here is the next part The Single Mama Chronicles: I Tried Tinder And Did Not Like It

Check out The Single Mama Chronicles: How I Became The Queen Of My ‘Singledom’

The Single Mama Chronicles: My First Dating Experience After Baby Daddy Drama Was A Disaster

The Single Mama Chronicles: I Don’t Want No One Minute Man

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The Singlehood Series: How I Drove My Boyfriend’s Pregnant Girlfriend To Deliver Their Baby Without Knowing

My Husband Cheated On Me With My Employee While I Was Away On A Work Trip

The Thief Who Became My Husband


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Single Mama is a thirty-something-year-old single mum who likes to laugh, learn, read and write. She's a hopeless romantic who hopes to write a story with a happy ending one day but for the time being, before Alejandro sweeps her off her feet and rides with her on a horse to his ranch and millions, she will share her dating misadventures and skewed opinions on life.