Dating can be a beautiful thing and as the relationship progresses you may feel that it is time to move in together. Moving in together is a huge step whether it is for friends or people in a romantic relationship. However, after moving in together things between the parties may get rocky. Living under the same roof means that you spend more time together. It also makes you see little nuances that you probably had not seen before.
Today more couples move in together or cohabit before marriage. Living together can be a good thing because it gives you plenty of time to spend with the other person. It can also be good financially but it can also turn out to be a disaster. Before taking the plunge, it is important to sit down together to evaluate this decision.
You might want to think about these factors before getting that house together.
- The reason for moving in together
It is important to know the real reason behind getting a place for the two of you. Sometimes it could be because you have dated for so long and it only seems natural to take this step. In this economic time, it is very common to find partners moving in together to cut down on costs. Other times one of the partners may propose moving in because of individual reasons.
Moving in for the wrong reasons can make it difficult to co-exist under one roof in harmony. If both of you do not mutually agree on this then it could end up destroying your relationship. Carefully assess the motivation behind this then once the convenience of moving in together is eliminated, there may not be other reasons to stay in the same house.
- Discuss individual roles
Knowing expectations beforehand is crucial to successful cohabiting. Many people make the mistake of assuming the other person knows what they except. This only leads to a strained relationship. For example, you could decide that the woman buys the groceries and the man takes care of plumbing issues. You could also split the bills and be specific about who does what. It should be clear at the onset what each person is expected to do. As more roles come up in the course of living together then the parties should have frequent conversations about what is expected.
- Open up about finances
Finances are a very touchy topic for many people. However, if you decide to live with someone then your income and debt situation is a crucial subject. It is also wise to discuss your spending habits because it affects the other person. For example, one of you could be an extravagant shopper while the other one is more practical. Such differences involve both of you so you need to come to a compromise. The extravagant shopper could have reasons for the habit such as the belief that the more expensive an item is, the better the quality. In such a situation then finding a cheaper but quality product would serve both partners. Understand each other’s financial habits so that you know how to approach each other on the matter.
- Talk about past relationships that involved moving in together
If one of you has cohabited before then it is important to open up about it. There is a reason that the arrangement did not work out for you in the past. Let your current partner know the whole situation. A person who has been in the same situation before is also more experienced in identifying minute reasons for friction. That information could be beneficial in making this decision.
- Discuss your stress coping mechanisms
This looks farfetched but it is very important to know the other person’s coping mechanisms. While living apart, each person dealt with his or her bad days individually. Despite meeting up or having phone discussions, you dealt with your stress alone. You probably have a habit you fall on when undergoing stressful situations. For example, you could decide to shut the world out and journal. You could also decide to play loud music and dance the funk out. Now when living with someone in the same house it may seem rude to keep quiet. The other person may be a talker and deals with stress by talking about the problem.
You need to have this discussion so that the other person can know how to react to your coping mechanisms. Stressful times can create a larger problem in the relationship. For instance, if one of the partners shuts down and shuts the other one out then one may feel as though they have been left out. However, it is possible that the silent partner just needs a day or two before discussing the problem. Have candid discussions on the matter to avoid conflict.
- Talk about the future
Moving in together could feel like a good idea if you sleepover at each other’s places all the time. It may feel like it’s the natural progression course of your relationship but you could be at a different stage in your relationship. You need to talk about your long-term goal in that relationship. Do you plan to get married? Do you plan to buy a home together? Are kids in your future plane? Once you move in the dynamics of your relationship changes. It feels more permanent. You need to have discussions about your future plans before taking this huge step.
What other factors should you consider before moving in together with your partner? Share with us.
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