The most overused word in 2019 has to be ‘toxic.’ It’s as though the world suddenly learnt how to use it and people started to throw it around carelessly. Toxic friends, toxic family, toxic co-workers… Everyone was toxic.
A quick urban dictionary search defines the word as any destructive behaviour or personality.
Don’t get me wrong, I do recognize the fact that some people come into your life and end up doing more harm than good. I am not belittling this reality. What I have a problem with, however, is the fact that people have been led to thinking that this toxicity is always external. So if you’ve experienced too much toxicity in your life, maybe you are part of the problem. Sometimes we just need to check ourselves.
We’re so hellbent on the fact that everyone around us who has made one or two mistakes is toxic that we end up forgetting that we too have our toxic traits. No one is perfect. Everyone is toxic in one way or another.
I, for example, acknowledge the fact that I am not good at communicating my feelings. When I ‘m hurt, I choose to isolate myself from the situation until it’s no longer a problem. That’s my toxic trait. To an outsider, however, this may seem like passive aggression. You may think I’m disloyal and end up cutting me off. However, it’s just how I choose to deal with situations to avoid unnecessary confrontations. I don’t do it to make the other person suffer, but it’s my way of recovering from the problem. I do however recognize that this characteristic may rub people the wrong way. This is possibly not the best way to deal with my issues and I am actively working my way out of it.
The cut-off culture glorifies self too much. We are always so ready to get rid of people. We have made valuable people in our lives so disposable, and it’s sad.
Maybe before you cut someone out of your life, you need to have an honest conversation with them. Recognize exactly where the problem may be. Because most times these problems can be solved by simple and honest communication with the person. If at the end of the conversation you still haven’t found a middle ground, then maybe you can agree to peacefully part ways. There is never a need to create anger, bitterness and resentment towards someone. Doing this only gives the other person power over you, and in the long run, you become the loser.
If you’re annoyed with someone who has no idea that you have a problem with them, I hate to break it to you, but you are having a personal internal conflict. Which is why it’s important to communicate.
If you ask me, the cut-off/block culture is in itself toxic. We live in a society that praises invulnerability. The idea that we don’t need anybody or that we could do without emotional attachment to people or situations is a complete facade.
There are definitely circumstances where cutting people off is necessary. Situations, where a person is abusive, harmful or blatantly disrespectful, must not be ignored. Cutting-off is sometimes inevitable. But what I’m trying to say is, not every small disagreement or misunderstanding calls for it.
We need to find healthy resolutions to deal with conflict among each other. I always say each friend plays a role in your life that cannot be fully replaced by another. The idea that everyone is replaceable would be lying to ourselves.
The bitterness and anger that comes with cutting people off can sometimes weigh down your soul so much. In such a situation, the only person that you would have to blame would be yourself.