The Singlehood Series: He Lied About His Age For Three Months

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Some lies are so uncalled for. I’m a very understanding person, so it just doesn’t make sense when someone says or does something contrary to their own truth. Don’t get me wrong, I’m part of the “age is just a number” movement. At least to a certain extent. I do, however, have a big problem with dishonesty. So it was extremely disheartening to learn that someone had to lie about his age for a good three months. In this time he could have started a business, or completed a short course, but he chose to waste my time instead. All that just to get in my pants? Men really don’t make sense sometimes.

I met this guy at a function at my small brother’s school. I was walking back from the washroom to where my mum was seated. There was a bunch of people standing at a corner, and one of them signalled me. I honestly thought they were selling cupcakes or something. So I walked towards him and he said, “My friend thinks you’re beautiful.”

I stood there wondering what I was supposed to do with that information. I hope I don’t sound too proud, but do physical compliments even have that much meaning to them anymore? Anyway, I stood awkwardly for a few seconds.

“Tell him I said thank you,” I said as I started to walk away.

Maybe this should have been my first sign that these guys were younger than I was. It didn’t make sense to me for anyone my age to approach a girl like that. That should at least have been an indicator that he was immature. It reminded me of high school days when we would go for funkies at other schools. That’s the sort of stuff that used to happen there.

“He wants to talk to you,” his friend continued.

I stopped and looked back to see the so-called friend walking towards me. I really wish these guys knew how much anxiety they were giving me. I was ready to go back to my seat and continue to watch what brought me here: my small brother’s function.

“Hi, I saw you from a mile away but your beauty is striking.”

That was the cheesiest thing I had ever heard. Damn. Way to start a conversation. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Uhh, thank you so much,” I said politely.

“How old are you? Can I get your number?” he asked.

Honestly, I really hate this question. I hate that I’m compelled to saying yes, and in this situation, because his friends were right there I felt like I couldn’t say no. It always comes at the wrong time, so for all those men reading this, at least have a conversation with the girl before asking for her number. I didn’t want to make it seem like I’m the mean girl so I gave it to him.

I took his phone and put my number in.

“I’m 21, how old are you?”

“I’m 21 as well. Let me flash you so you can get mine.”

Here’s another thing I hate. This is slowly turning to a rant. Lesson number two guys: When you ask for my number, do not “flash” me. I know that trick. I know you’re trying to make sure that I’ve given you the right one. No, I will not text you or call you first so it’s pointless.

He stood there waiting for my phone to ring, and it did.

“Alright, I’ll text you then we’ll see where this goes.” He said.

“Alright, bye.”

I walked away shyly. Some part of me could still feel them watching me from behind there. I wondered what they were saying about me. Did I come off too easy? Was I smiling too much? Maybe I should have made things harder for him. ‘Hard to get’ as they would say.

As soon as I got home I found a text from this guy. That’s when I realized I didn’t even know his name. Maybe instead of him telling me about my striking beauty, he should have told me his name.

That evening I had a date with the girls so I didn’t think about him much. I didn’t even text him. However, I got home at around midnight to find a phone call from him. I didn’t call back either. I was probably too drunk to have a stable conversation with anyone. I said I’d call him the next day but I didn’t end up doing it.

We finally started talking our conversations were so dry. It was always “when can I see you” or “I could stare at that profile picture the whole day.” Maybe I shouldn’t be complaining because a conversation is a two-way thing, but he should have taken charge. I wasn’t the one who had approached him. It soon turned to one of those conversations that I would reply to only because I was bored.

We had tried making plans to meet up but something always came in the way. On this particular night, I had an end year party with an organization that I had worked with previously. I knew it wouldn’t work but because he was so persistent. I told him that I’d meet him after. That was going to be about 9 pm. I ended up staying longer than expected so I was there until about 11 pm, and by this time he had called me multiple times. I decided to call back. I was travelling the next day and if we didn’t meet on this day it would be a while before we did.

“Hello,” he said.

“Hi, so I’m still at the party. It took longer than I thought but I’ll probably leave in the next hour or so.”

“But you said 9…” he said pitifully.

“I know I did. I really thought I would be done by then. Sorry.” I actually felt a little bad.

“Okay so my mum has already locked the gate and gone to sleep with the keys so today won’t work. Let’s plan for when you get back.”

Again, another sign. What kind of grown man can’t leave the house past 9 pm? But I ignored that too.

We finally met when I got back from my trip. He lived nearby so he drove to the outside of my gate and I went to meet him there. I thought we would spend more time together but about ten minutes later he had to leave. He had errands to run for his parents.

I tried to keep up with him but there was always something. Every time he wanted us to meet up something came in my way. Maybe that was how the universe chose to tell me to leave this guy alone.

Occasionally he would hit me up with the “I miss you!” and we’d talk for about five minutes before there was nothing left to talk about. I really felt like in all the time I’d known him, I knew nothing about him.

We had not talked for a long time. To be honest I was seeing someone else at this time. He texted me randomly and I wondered what he was up to. I really don’t like inconsistency. I left him hanging for like two days before I decided to respond to his text, which I regret up to date. This guy asked me if I was home. He wanted to come to my place for a quickie in his car, at the parking lot. At first, I thought he was joking because I hadn’t talked to him in weeks. He didn’t even know me like that.

I’ll be honest, I appreciated how straight forward he was. But he should have said it three months earlier. I would have blatantly said no and we would have moved on by now.

He clearly didn’t know how to take rejection.

“Is that what this has been about all this time?” I asked him, now fuming.

“What? At least I’m being honest.”

Yeah. He should have been honest three months ago. I won’t get into the nitty-gritty of the conversation, but at the end of it he insulted me and said I was ugly. Something about my profile picture resembling a horse. I wondered where the “striking beauty” had disappeared to. He asked me if I thought I was the only one with a vagina in this world, but again I wondered what was stopping him from going after all the vaginas in the world.

I wish I was offended, but I really just found the whole thing hilarious.

Months later, I found out from his social media posts that he was turning 20 years old. I was 21 at the time.

If “good riddance” was a person, it would be him.

Other stories you should check out in the singlehood series

The Singlehood Series: The Shy Office Guy Turned Into A Possessive Lover

After Years Of Dating He Broke Up With Me Because According To His Family I Was From The Wrong Tribe; When It Was Time To Get Married!

I Can’t Move On From My Ex Because He Keeps Harassing Me

My Crush Had A Secret Relationship He Hid From Me

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The singlehood series is a collection of real-life stories and opinions from different people. It looks at the current world of dating in Kenya and experiences that people have gone through. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the contributors and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of