Non-committal relationships are the worst because most times one person is more interested in committing than the other. The problem with situationships is that not declaring your exclusivity always ends up in tears because one person may act single and the other remains loyal.
Urban Dictionary defines a situationship as “A relationship that has no label on it. It’s a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship”
I personally do not advocate for situationships. The uncertainty can kill you because when you’re in one you cannot hold anything against your partner. We live in a world that runs as fast as possible from vulnerability. People are scared of fully putting themselves out there unless they are sure about the reciprocity of the feelings.
Here are a few signs that you are in a situationship.
- You haven’t defined the relationship
You may be doing things that couples do but as long as you haven’t exclusively decided to be together, this is a sign of a situationship. You avoid words such as “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” and introducing your partner to other people is always weird. You don’t know what the two of you are, because you’re more than friends but less than a couple. You are in a situationship if you have not put a label on what the two of you are.
- You don’t date each other
If you are not going on dates with your partner, you may just be in a situationship. If most times you meet up at each other’s houses and never do fun activities then this is definitely a bad sign. Because if you ask me, two people should continue to go on dates and do cute stuff even after they have decided to be together. But if you’re not doing this, and you haven’t defined the relationship, this may just be a friends with benefits situation.
- Your partner says he/she doesn’t want commitment
There’s definitely something wrong with this generation, because if someone can out rightly say that they do not like commitment, as though it’s some sort of sin, then I don’t know where we are headed. If your partner uses this as an excuse for not dating you exclusively, then you are most likely in a situationship. If the both of you have agreed not to be in a real relationship, I believe that somewhere along the way these feelings will start to develop. At least for one person. When they do, this situationship may take a turn for the worse.
- You avoid discussing the future
A non-committal person will only discuss things from a short term perspective. This may be because they do not even see you in the future. Whenever the topic comes up there is some sort of discomfort and uncertainty because you both know that it may bring tension among you. The problem with these short term situationships is that they always end in heartbreak. It’s sad really.
- You still attend events by yourself
When you’re in a relationship, nothing seems more exciting than having a plus one to go to events with. It’s the best thing. But if you haven’t decided to be together exclusively, you will find yourself going alone. Your partner may even wonder why you’re inviting them in the first place. You never exercise your right to a plus one, and yet you do have a plus one. Sort of anyway.
- You haven’t met their friends
I mean, it would be nice to be shown off once in a while to your partner’s friend. It would be even better to be introduced as someone’s girlfriend or boyfriend. When this doesn’t happen, you may just be in a situationship. It all comes down to the aspect of not discussing the future. If they don’t see you in their lives in the future then maybe they don’t really want you as an exclusive partner. That’s what a situationship is.
- Your partner is inconsistent
If you are in a situationship, then your partner is at liberty to pop in and out of your life without question. Sometimes it will be roses and they will be all around you, and other times they will be completely cold. This type of uncertainty can kill you because as much as he/she does not owe you anything, you still care. The heart cannot differentiate these two facts. It’s as though you are in some sort of limbo, wondering whether to care or not to care.
- You keep your relationship private
That’s the thing with situationships. The two of you may be completely okay with it, but to any outsider it is a completely unhealthy situation and they will advise you to either define it or leave. So to avoid all this, you just don’t talk about it with other people. It’s the easiest thing to do to avoid confrontation with each other and with other people.
- You hide your feelings and emotions
In a situationship, none of you will ever want to express what you really feel about each other. It’s always a really uncomfortable topic. That’s the thing with situationships. The people involved avoid vulnerability like the plague. And they both know it. Whenever the conversation comes up one person downplays it or switches to a different one as fast as they can. It’s very important to know when to leave.
- Your gut tells you that something is off
We always say trust your gut. That instinct or sixth sense that tells you that something is off. But when it comes to relationships we’re always so ready to ignore it. We’ve all been through it. You’re ‘seeing someone’ for months. You’re not moving forward with that relationship but you still choose to stay. Eventually, when it’s all over, you can now say things like “I knew it wasn’t going to work all along,” or “I was really just having fun.”
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