The Singlehood Series: The Dating Trials And Tribulations Of A Cougar

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“With all that money, where do you think you’ll get a man?” This is a phrase that is peddled all too often whenever a woman achieves financial success. A similar phrase is shot at women who strive to get education credentials. Is there any truth in this? I guess it depends on your school of thought. Anyway, I am thinking of an interesting conversation at the beauty parlour where I was getting my hair done. There’s no place with juicier stories than the salon. On this day the story was about the dating stories of a cougar.

Let’s call her Ann because I did not get her name. Ann had come to get her hair and nails done because she had a date later in the afternoon. Like many trendy salons, the seats were in a row with a design that allows for pedicures as one’s hair is done. A nail artist was busy showing her different colours of nail polish to choose from as another stylist installed a weave on her head.

“Let’s do the red polish on my hands. He likes it when I am in red,” Ann instructed the nail artist.

Everything had to be immaculate for her date later as she wanted to keep this one.  He wasn’t like the rest. There was just something about him that made her feel secure.

“Kwani hao wengine walikuwa aje?” Asked the lady doing Ann’s hair.

“What haven’t I seen in Nairobi? Which one do I start with?” Ann responded as she clapped her hands ready to tell her tales.

I subtly inched closer to her as I pretended to tilt my head to see how my pedicure was turning out. This promised to be an interesting story from her preamble.

Ann was very beautiful and with a body to die for. You could tell from her appearance that she put in the effort to look good. She could afford to look the way she did because she was doing very well. In fact she owned a mansion in the leafy suburbs of Nairobi and ran a successful business. Ann was also a self-proclaimed cougar. She had no problem providing for the man.

This is how she met the father of her children. He came from a different country and was looking for a house. Her house had a guest house that she gladly rented out to him. She couldn’t really pinpoint the exact time that they fell in love but it must have been in between the ‘good mornings’ and ‘how was your day’ conversations. Within no time the tenant status was upgraded to a husband.

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He definitely took some of his husband roles seriously because soon they were blessed with twins; a boy and girl. Ann felt like she had it all, a happy family and a successful career. This feeling didn’t last long because soon she found out that her husband also had a thing with the new guest house tenant. The bug seemed to be going around. Like the scorned woman she was, she would definitely not have her husband’s mistress in one of her properties. She kicked her out of the guest house. The departure of the woman also came with Ann’s husband’s departure. Since both were expatriates they had no problem eloping and leaving the country together.

Ann was now left with her children to raise on her own. The lesson she decided to pick from the ordeal was not to rent out to unmarried tenants. Now she decided to only rent out the property to married expats of Caucasian origin. According to Ann, those people were faithful. Also she decided to rent out a studio apartment for her romantic escapades. She was not going to expose her children to anything until she was sure about the relationship.

Ann soon found love again with her gym instructor. Before photographers began stealing girlfriends, fitness trainers ranked higher. It’s probably the muscles that look like a haven of safety and other things (if you know you know) or maybe it’s the constant close contact that elicits naughty thoughts. Whatever the reason, the strong build and most often the chocolate or dark complexion does a number on women. Ann’s gym instructor had the body of a typical fitness trainer. To top it up he was kind, chivalrous and treated her like a queen.

An outfit at a time the guy moved into the apartment and being a cougar, Ann was okay with it. This time, however, Ann was not going to let things happen right under her nose. She installed cameras in the apartment and connected them to her devices to view things in real-time. She also asked the watchman to keep her updated and she had his number on speed dial.

On this particular Wednesday morning, she arrived at the gate. The watchman seemed hesitant to open for her. He even tried to start up a conversation but his poker face failed him terribly.

“Boss, could you open the gate. I am the registered tenant of that house,” Ann yelled at the watchman.

The poor man could only stall for so long, so he opened the gate. She rang the doorbell severally before the gym guy opened the door. He tried to feign oversleeping but Ann was not having it.

“You thought you were smarter than me bringing her to my house?” Ann asked angrily.

Before the gym instructor could utter a word Ann went straight to the bedroom and dragged the woman the gym guy had brought to the apartment by her hair.

“Please don’t hurt me I will go,” the girl cried as though she had the option to stay.

The gym guy was already on his knees begging for forgiveness. Ann remained calm. By now the other woman had found her way out.

They made breakfast together and all seemed well. A couple of days later Ann went to the apartment with a canter truck. She took everything in the apartment save for the gym instructor’s clothes. When he came back he found an empty apartment. He begged and begged for forgiveness but it was all in vain. Ann had moved on swiftly.

“So who are you going on a date with?” Asked the lady doing Ann’s hair.

“I already found someone else,” Ann said with some sense of accomplishment.

The guy she was to go on a date with later that afternoon was a married mature guy. The terms for this relationship were easy. She got all the loving she wanted. Both were honest about their positions. She knew he wouldn’t leave his family. In fact she helped him take care of his family. The new guy took early retirement and then his finances took a nosedive. He was struggling with daughter’s school fees and Ann was ready to help. She took her cougar status quite seriously.

“The wife even knows about us,” said Ann.

Wacha! Na hana shida? (Is she ok with it)?” The lady doing Ann’s nails asked in disbelief.

“She is glad that he is providing so she doesn’t ask any questions,” Ann says as she pays for the salon services.

Ann then left for her date as we were left there trying to figure the audacity of this woman and the relationships she had gone through. She sounded like she had lived through three lifetimes.

“Heh wacha nibaki hustler kama hao ndio wanaume wa madem wadosi (Let me remain a hustler if rich women get such men),” the nail artist commented

We laughed as each one of us thought about it.

This short story is an adaption from a story on social media.

Speaking of drama in relationships

The Singlehood Series: My Perfect Woman Turned Out To Be An Escort

The Singlehood Series: He Lied About His Life For A Whole Year – He Played Her Like A Game Of Chess

The Singlehood Series: When He Hides Any Hint That He Is Already A Married Man

The Singlehood Series: I Can’t Move On Because My Ex Keeps Coming Back To Harass Me

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