Do you ever feel as though you are standing in the way of your success? Whether it comes to relationships, friendships or even career-wise, until you conquer that enemy within you will not achieve the highest form of yourself. In simple terms, self-sabotage is when part of your personality acts in conflict with another part of your personality. It occurs when your logical conscious mind conflicts with your sub-conscious. In this case, the sub-conscious happens to be the critical voice that holds you back from doing things and therefore sabotages your success.
This happens a lot if you have two personalities that are almost opposite. For example, if you are a shy extrovert, then it means that your personality exposes itself in different ways depending on who you are with. This would imply that among a certain group of people your personality almost shrinks and you end up completely quiet and timid. Among a different set of people, your personality is brought out in full force and your extroversion is obvious.
Self-sabotaging behavior would be not speaking up for what you believe in because of the set of people around you even though you want to. One side of your personality wants to do something but the other side tends to differ. The problem with such an occurrence is that it can follow you to the workplace and impact your success negatively. Which is why you might want to stop self-sabotaging.
Other forms of self-sabotage include a psychological fear of success, indecisiveness, thinking too negatively, not sleeping enough and being an easy-quitter.
Here are a few ways to stop self-sabotaging:
- Monitor your thoughts
Self-sabotaging behaviour comes from thinking too negatively, and more often than not these thoughts revolve around self. You need to learn to monitor your thoughts and change the narrative because thoughts turn into words, and the mouth is so powerful that it can manifest into reality. Therefore if you are a victim of self-sabotage, ensure that the things that you are thinking about are positive. Changing this will change your perception of yourself and you will start to view yourself in a positive light.
The following words are typical of self-sabotaging behaviour:
I’m not good enough for this
I am incapable
I will never be able to do this
I can’t make it
Every time you catch yourself saying things like this, you should make sure that you replace them with more positive ones. The more you monitor these thoughts, the more the positive ones become more ingrained in you.
- Recognize your self-sabotaging habits
Like I’ve said, self-sabotaging exhibits itself differently for different people. Just like when dealing with any other problem, you need to identify the symptoms of the issue. Self-sabotaging habits may include procrastination where you keep putting things off because you’re scared of facing them. Another self-sabotaging habit is perfectionism which is closely linked with procrastination. Perfectionism is more often than not an unachievable standard and therefore going after it will only leave you disappointed. Lastly, negative self-talk is another self-sabotaging habit. It stops you from doing so many things that you want to but doesn’t end up doing because your sub-conscious tells you otherwise. Someone once told me that there’s a reason it’s called “the back of your mind.” Stop giving it too much significance.
- Stop Overthinking
Self-sabotaging behaviour is largely a result of overthinking. I read a quote somewhere that overthinking is actually under thinking. If you find yourself engaging in repetitive obsessive and unproductive thoughts, likely, you haven’t unpacked what’s bothering you. Often, overthinking is a result of a combination of issues that haven’t been fully analyzed. This quote changed my life at a time when I was self-sabotaging my friendships.
Overthinking is based on non-factual thoughts. It is a big waste of time. The more you overthink and make sense out of theories, the more you will self-sabotage. Because you will act on these theories and then, later on, realize that they were mostly false, and then what do you do? Whenever you catch yourself overthinking, replace those thoughts with intellectual solid thoughts that will help build you.
I’m a strong believer in meditation. The world is so noisy nowadays that you hardly ever get time to just sit down and think, away from your electronics or any other distractions. Meditation is important for a lot of things, and one of these is in stopping self-sabotaging behaviour. It gives you clarity and peace of mind. It directs your thoughts to the correct path, and you will be able to identify the root causes of this self-sabotaging behaviour and deal with them accordingly.
Ensure that you meditate in a quiet place with limited distraction. I’ve encountered someone so deep in his meditation that he didn’t hear us calling his name. We thought it was a problem, but now when I think about it, it’s completely admirable. Meditation should be that deep. If you are trying to get rid of self-sabotaging behaviour, you might just want to spend some time meditating. Here are 7 Positive Effects Of Meditation
If you have ever owned a journal, then you’ve probably seen that it has numerous benefits. It allows you to pour out all of your thoughts and put them down on paper. This is a great tool in a journey of self-discovery. It doesn’t matter what the subject is, put it down. By doing this, it will be so easy to pinpoint the areas in which you are self-sabotaging, and you will be able to reverse the situation. It’s like having a deep and honest conversation with yourself.
There are things that you will never be able to say out loud, not even to your best of friends. That’s where the journal comes in. It helps you discover your self sabotaging behaviour, and by recognizing these negative patterns you will be able to do away with them. 6 Reasons Why You Should Consider Keeping A Daily Journal
Check out this article on how self sabotage holds you back!
Read about the Habits that are harmful to your brain