Rejection is painful and nobody should ever go through it, but life does not always give you what you want and that’s something you have to accept. I choose to see it as a learning experience because it helps you to develop thick skin and allow things to pass. I’ve seen people stuck in situations where it’s clear that they’re not wanted, and it’s not a pretty scene. Emotional intelligence will tell you when it’s time to leave and when you can stay.
I’m not just talking about rejections based on love. I’m also talking about when you’re rejected by a potential employer. It can be extremely disheartening and heartbreaking. The important thing, however, is to grow through whatever life places before you because every single thing is a learning experience for the future. Everything that you go through shapes who you become in the future, and so embrace these rejections. Don’t let them bring you down. Understand the lesson that they’re meant to teach you and move on. Don’t cling onto things or mindsets that you can’t change.
Here are a few ways in which you can handle rejection.
- Acknowledge what you’re feeling
Rather than ignoring or suppressing your emotions, you need to allow yourself to feel them. I learnt a very important lesson from Lorna, a member of the Kenyan Over 25 Youtube channel. In one of the episodes they were discussing how to get over heartbreak and she says that she gives herself a grace period to feel these emotions. Once she is done she embraces the fact that life must move on with or without the person. She is able to pick herself up in a very short time span. I think that’s the secret to emotions. Allow yourself to feel them, deeply. Then once it’s over, let it go. The more you bottle up your emotions the harder it will be when the “bottle” becomes full and you start to feel overwhelmed by a myriad of negative feelings.
- Learn from the rejection
I’m a firm believer that every single thing that happens in your life happens for a reason. As much as we think we can plan things, there’s a superior power that has organized it all. I also believe that if we view rejection from a positive light, in that it is a teaching experience, we will be able to let it go. Learn to understand the lesson behind these negative experiences and you won’t perceive them as negative anymore. They will help you to grow rather than breaking your spirits.
Think about it this way: If there’s someone you’ve been involved with and suddenly they turn against you, it can help you to learn to love yourself more once you get out of the situation. I know someone who was in such a situation. She was involved with someone who would openly show that he didn’t want her. When it was just the two of them he was nice and romantic, but as soon as they started to hang out with his friends he changed completely. In such a situation I would say that she didn’t know her worth because he was rude and she still stayed. He was violent and still, she chose to stay. Here’s the thing, the amount of growth that comes out of heartbreak is so beautiful, and that is why you should take heart and learn from the rejection.
- Affirm yourself
If you pay attention to your subconscious thoughts you will realize that most times they transform into reality. Which is why you have to monitor them. Affirmations are super powerful because they help you to shift your perspective and turn it to a positive one. If you have been rejected by a potential partner, you might want to affirm yourself. Loudly and clearly. “I am more than enough. I exude positive energy. Love flows from me and through me effortlessly.” You say these things until you start to believe them and eventually they manifest into reality.
The problem is that when we’re rejected we tend to focus on what has happened which displaces the clarity of thoughts and makes our energy negative. Don’t do this. Shift your perspective and everything will turn out just fine.
- Embrace yourself
This applies specifically to romantic rejections. They will throw you out of balance and make you feel extremely insecure about yourself. That’s why you have to take this as the perfect time to reconnect with yourself. Learn to embrace yourself fully and you will rise out of the rejection faster than you think.
I know someone who was involved with a guy, and once they parted ways she started to stalk his new partner and compare herself with him. “If I was as pretty as her maybe we would still be together.” I couldn’t actually believe that someone could say these words out loud. It’s bigger than we think. It’s a negative affirmation. Realize that people reflect themselves through the way they treat you. Most times it has nothing to do with you.
- Surround yourself with positive energy
There’s a saying that goes, you are an average of the five people that you spend the most time with. I’ve experienced this first hand. I was in a class group with people that went so far out of their comfort zone and eventually I started to adopt this mantra. Initially, I would ask them things like “Where do you get the courage?” but eventually I became just like them.
Surround yourself with positive energy. Don’t allow people who are constantly whining, gossiping or crying to be part of your space, it will catch up with you. When you’re dealing with rejection there are people who will stay fixated on the subject of the rejection while others will help you out of it by refocusing your energy. Those are the ones you need to keep close to you. Don’t stay with people who will solidify a problem and make it worse.