I was born on the 27th day of May so my horoscope sign is Gemini. Geminis are described as being very outgoing, loyal, adaptable and intelligent. However, we can also be indecisive and impulsive. All these are traits that I feel I possess. Two years ago, I downloaded an app that predicts how your day will be according to your star sign. On most days, it is usually general stuff about doing right by yourself and maintaining a positive attitude towards life but this morning it was something deeper.
My stars predicted that at some point in the day I might revisit certain moments in my past and this process will open wounds that I thought were long healed. The text went on to say that if I am going to dwell on the past, then I should also think about the man I was then in comparison to the man I am today. I was reminded that my progress is so significant that it casts a shadow on my pain.
Last week was a blur of mixed emotions and long periods of feeling spaced out. Lately, this is happening more often and I desperately want it to stop. It gets harder for me to be in the present and experience life as it happens. The root of all my problems is defiance to hold on to the past, which is why my horoscope makes so much sense.
Five years ago I was spending six days a week in bed. All I did/could do was eat, sleep, and not pray. I had been paralyzed by a road accident and I was a shell of my former self. I was sickly, weak, and depressed. I had no sense of self, time, or life. I didn’t feel like I had any purpose whatsoever, I simply just existed, nothing more.
I ate more than I should have and watched too much tv. I hardly ever brushed my teeth and when the night came, I tried to cry myself to sleep but even that never worked. I was in a dark lonely place and I wouldn’t want to slip back to that life.
Five years is enough time to turn your life around, one day is more than enough time to start the process.
I am not sure when exactly the change started but I know that the genesis of my new beginning was an epiphany. I came to the realization that I was tired of inflicting so much pain to myself. It was simply a conscious decision to do better and be better. A huge part of being better was taking responsibility for my actions and forgiving myself for any wrongdoings that might have occurred in the past.
The moment I started expecting more from life, more was given to me. I wanted to tell my story to people in a way that moved them in a positive way, inspiring their journeys to be better and brighter in every way. I started getting approached by tv and radio stations to talk about my life, it was such a rush for me because I grew up in a village where being on tv was a really big deal.
I have gotten the chance to be featured on magazines and newspapers, things I wouldn’t have thought about even in my wildest dreams. While all this has been exciting and eye-opening, the greatest achievement has been to do something worthwhile with my life.
It started with finding joy in writing short stories of Facebook, writing for a lifestyle blog, graduating to an African blog about Love, Sex and Relationships, getting opportunities through my work to attend training and speak at seminars. I have been very fortunate to have people who have invested in me and my story. Through them and because of them, I am no longer the man I was five years ago. I no longer just sleep and eat all day. I am doing more for myself and I am finding so much fulfilment in the process.