Why Couples Shouldn’t Spend All Their Time Together


For a relationship to thrive, both parties must be committed to not only each other but also their personal growth and development. Everyone needs some alone time! Yes. Even those in loving and committed relationships.

While falling in love for some people means finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, it doesn’t necessarily mean being around each other every second of the day. Spending all your time together is a sure way to evade loneliness, but it can also mark the start of toxic emotional attachments.

According to Sandra Larson, a nurse and relationship expert from My Sex Toy Guide, there’s a need to have a balance between enjoying each other’s company and being in unhealthy codependency. “Couples need to establish a consensus that allows each one to carry on with their personal goals and ambitions during the relationship. There’s more to life than your partner. Of course, they’re a huge part of your life, but spending too much time together might be hurting your relationship.”

How to Bring up the ‘Alone Time’ Discussion

Sandra advises that you reflect on the topic before bringing it up to your significant other. “Telling your partner you need some space can be awkward and daunting, especially because you don’t want to hurt them.” Make sure you reflect on why you both need more alone time and how important it’ll be to the relationship. Most importantly, ensure the emphasis is on spending more time with yourself and not spending less time with them.

Also, most people tend to deliver the talk and close the gate, which is not good. “Ensure you give your partner a chance to express their concerns and expectations.” You might not be having the same needs, and brainstorming ways to make it work together is very important. Consider the needs and boundaries of both of you and peacefully navigate through them.

So, choose the right time and place to talk, and make sure you deliver a confident pitch. After all, spending more alone time is a win-win for both parties – it fosters individual goals, ultimately promoting a more vibrant relationship. And if your partner loves you genuinely, they’ll be more than supportive of your growth and development.

How to Go About Spending More Time with Yourself

      I.         Do what you Enjoy Alone.

Contrary to popular belief, including your partner in all your hobbies isn’t as healthy and important in your relationship. For instance, if you enjoy swimming, why must you drag your husband who doesn’t like it? Go and have a dip by yourself and let him enjoy something else. It might be watching a football game, for instance, or even going to the shooting range with his friends. This way, both of you can enjoy your time individually, and when you see each other again, chances are the mood will be positive.

Getting in a serious relationship doesn’t mean giving up your independence. So, whether it’s a business you want to venture into or a hobby, go on and enjoy the space. Of course, you want to include your partner in the decision making, but that doesn’t mean losing yourself. Do your thing, and enjoy it!

    II.         Maintain a Healthy Social Life.

No matter how sweet and ‘complete’ your partner is, you should never lose your friends because of the relationship. In fact, Sandra advises that you make keep your friends. “It’s important to maintain your friendships and relationships.” Your friends provide social happiness while helping you to enjoy a different type of fulfilment that your partner can’t provide.

Of course, it might be hard to see all your friends with all the obligations and demands of life, but having them around eliminates the possibility of unhealthy codependency. Create time every once in a while to enjoy your friends’ company. Whether it’s old friends or colleagues at work, spending time together with others outside of your romantic relationship helps to clear your head and give you a new perspective. Most importantly, it takes the pressure off of your partner and yourself to always ‘entertain’ each other.

 III.         Don’t Compromise Your Values.

As said before, spending too much time with your partner can be more harmful than beneficial to your relationship. While most people see it as a great thing, there needs to be more about you than the ‘couple ship.’ Be committed to your life and personal growth as much as you are with the relationship. This way, the relationship doesn’t make you inter-reliant and unable to live life without the other person. Maintaining independence helps you clear your head so that you don’t lose your ability to think and plan out your life.

Spending time together too much traps your mind and suffocates you in an enclosed space. This way, even things you don’t like about your partner and behaviour changes look normal. You become accustomed to one person only, thereby limiting your perspective on everything. So, keep your values and be in charge of your life.

To sum it up, spending time together is important in a relationship. It allows you to understand each other’s behaviours, likes, dislikes, and ‘hotspots.’ However, spending too much time locks your mind in a box, depriving it of freedom that makes it grow. It also promotes unhealthy codependency and creates an environment where you can’t function without each other. So, keep your values and friends, and most importantly, do what you enjoy more often, alone. Spending more time with yourself frees your mind and gives you a new perspective on life.

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Managing editor and blogger at Potentash. Passionate about telling African stories. Find me at [email protected]