My colleague Alice had always been drawn to the soft life. She loved money, and it attracted her equally as much. While the rest of us were taking matatus to get to the internship location, Alice drove a beautiful Toyota Camry. It was beige, just perfect. We couldn’t help but wonder what prayers she was using to get a perfect life. She was beautiful and sweet, the perfect personality. She was tall in an elegant way and had the perfect features. Her face had a beautiful beauty spot that looked like it was perfectly placed in position by God.
One day, while we were at work, Alice confided in me. She was dating an older guy. Not just old, but OLD. I didn’t know how to act when she told me that her boyfriend was sixty years old.
“He loves me, I’m sure,” she said.
“What’s the situation? Is he married?” I asked, wondering if our relationship had really reached that level where we could open up to each other.
“No, he was. He got divorced a few years ago. He has kids, though. Two lovely kids. I’ve met them a few times,” she said.
I couldn’t help but laugh. My mind was instantly taken back to a meme that I had seen on Twitter – Your parents still think you’re a young girl, yet you’ve been a stepmother in two relationships now.
That was the end of my conversation with Alice, at least at that time. From then on, it felt like we had developed a deeper bond. We spoke a lot more often and I even opened up about my heartbreak. I had never garnered the courage to speak to anyone about it.
Weeks later, Alice was celebrating her birthday at home, and she asked me for the funniest favour. I was so fascinated that I agreed to it.
“My boyfriend wants to come to my party, but since my parents can’t find out that I’m dating an older guy, you have to help me,” she said. I accepted, without really thinking about it.
The day was finally here and I was excited to finally pick out the dress that I had been saving for years. I met Alice’s boyfriend at a nearby store, just as she had requested me to. I was to act as though I was the one showing up with him. Her parents would be around but they promised to mind their business.
Alice’s boyfriend drove a Range Rover Sport, my dream car. He was a young-hearted man and I could see how she fell for him. He made jokes and sang along to the Ed Sheeran music that was playing in the car. He was nice and asked me if I wanted snacks as he opened the glove box. It had everything. Cookies, crisps, and sweets. I was delighted since I hadn’t eaten lunch yet.
We arrived at her house and walked through the gate. The house was cosy and perfect. The interior décor was professionally done, with everything looking well placed and fitted. It smelled of tasty friend chicken, and I couldn’t wait to dig in. By then, Alice’s boyfriend had settled in and was sitting on the couch.
Things went well. Alice’s parents hadn’t come down the stairs, and by this time everyone was settled down and having a good time. The cocktails had started getting to our heads and I could feel us raising our voices and breaking down in laughter from time to time. I was having a really good time with my colleagues. Then, the craziest thing happened.
Alice’s parents walked down the stairs, and as if on cue, we all lowered our voices. Then Alice signaled them to say hi to us.
Just as we were introducing ourselves, Alice’s dad opened his eyes wide.
“Mr. Hamisi, is that you?” He asked.
“Yes, it is,” Alice’s boyfriend responded, looking rather clueless.
“Don’t tell me you have forgotten me. It’s Allan, Aisha’s cousin,” her dad said.
By this time we were all staring at each other wondering what was going on. The two embraced one another, but from then on you could easily tell that Aisha’s boyfriend, “Mr. Hamisi” was unsettled.
The party went on as planned and we all went home. Later in the evening, I received an unusual call from Alice. She was crying.
“Guess what? I just found out that my boyfriend is actually my uncle. It’s a bit distant. His wife is my dad’s cousin, which makes him my uncle,” she said.
I held my phone, shocked. I could feel my sleep disappearing, and that was rare. Alice was weeping, and I needed time to process the information before I could. We stayed silent on the phone for a few awkward seconds.
“Anyway, would it be that bad if we continued dating? I mean, he’s not even directly related to me. It’s a distant relationship,” she asked, and I was dumbfounded.
Alice walked into the office the following Monday with a brand new phone. Her boyfriend had bought it for her birthday present. She was happier than ever., and I couldn’t help but be happy for her.
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